3 Keys to a Wife’s Response to Her Husband’s Addiction to Pornography

by | Feb 20, 2014 | Women

My husband and I had been married only a few years when he came home from work one day to say he had been suspended for online pornography. I was then pregnant with our second child. It felt like an atomic bomb had fallen on me: All that I thought was safe and stable in my life imploded, and everything around me went into slow motion.

Eighty percent of Christian men admit to struggling with an addiction to pornography. I had been a fairly good girl my whole life. I never dreamed that my marriage would become part of a statistic like this. Honestly, in order to reflect reality, the statistic should be much higher. Pornography is the church’s dirty little family secret that no one is allowed to talk about.

My husband was one of many men in today’s society who was exposed to pornography by the age of 6. Initial exposure to pornography is often not by choice but rather in the form of advertising or through another person’s influence. Pornography is presented to men or boys as entertainment and, like addiction to gaming systems, its imprisonment comes as a total surprise. Pornography’s iron fist is stronger than self-will or any counseling tactic.

But in one moment, God changed our story. After 30 years of struggling, my husband experienced freedom and innocence again. And his freedom was my freedom.

As a wife, you are in a place of tremendous influence in the situation. You can build or crush his faith in God, the only hope of his rescue. Your husband watches your words, attitudes and responses, and though he may not admit it, they bear so much weight in the end result.

Here are some things to remember as a wife:

1. It’s nothing personal. Sure, it feels personal, but an addiction has nothing to do with you. He isn’t rejecting you. He is entrapped in something bigger than himself. Remind yourself often: “I am not the victim here. He is.”

2. Decide to be compassionate. Your husband is human and flawed like everyone else. I would often have to remind myself of who I knew my husband to really be: a man who loves God and sincerely wants to please Him. If you can offer compassion to a drug addict that desperately wants to be free, why can’t you offer compassion to your own husband?

3. Be careful not to view him as “dirty.” If he is dirty, then you are too. Guilt is guilt, and we are all guilty of sin. Shame is not a gift from God, but is rather a tactic of Satan to drive the imprisoned deeper into hiding with their chains. Protect and enforce a safe atmosphere, free from criticism and judgment, for him to come to God and receive freedom. You can do that with carefully spoken words that build up his faith and reinforce proper perspective: He loves God and needs Jesus just like we all do.

Lastly, pray a lot more and speak a lot less. The Bible says that Jesus can heal with just one word. Pray for your husband frequently, and pray for yourself to have a right heart toward him. One word from the mouth of God created the universe. One word can recreate your marriage too.

Sarah Keith lives in Kansas City, Mo., with her husband and four children. She is a former high school English teacher and has assisted in writing and editing various ministry materials for her church, World Revival Church.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

How Divine Wrestling Changes Our Identity

How Divine Wrestling Changes Our Identity

All of us at some point will hit a place of getting the wind knocked out of us. We all experience unexpected detours and times when there seems to be no way out. But there is One who lives in us, the Lord Jesus Christ, who gives us the strength to overcome obstacles....

Spirit-Filled Pastor: How Does God Lead Us Today?

Spirit-Filled Pastor: How Does God Lead Us Today?

Whether it is the Spirit leading or forbidding in the book of Acts, or the Spirit leading throughout Christian history, it’s clear that the leading of the Spirit is important. In the Old Testament, it appears that the Spirit of God could be withdrawn completely from...

Joyce Meyer: Keys to Winning Your Race in Life

Joyce Meyer: Keys to Winning Your Race in Life

Everyone has a race to run. That just means we all have a life to live. The apostle Paul says in Hebrews 12:1 (NIV), “Therefore...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for...

Prophetic Word: The Lord Says, ‘I Am the Consuming Fire’

Prophetic Word: The Lord Says, ‘I Am the Consuming Fire’

God says that during this season, He is turning up the heat, finding the gold and bringing His refining fire. Job makes a powerful statement of faith as he says of the Lord, "When he has tried me, I shall come out as gold." God knew Job's heart and Job knew the heart...

What Is ‘The One Thing’ God Wants From You?

What Is ‘The One Thing’ God Wants From You?

In 1971, I was invited to spend one month in Singapore at a new institute that had been started by John Haggai. It was still in the formative stages then—a place where Asian church leaders would be trained and challenged to witness for Christ. Today, more than 40...

37 Prayers for the Suffering Persecuted Church

37 Prayers for the Suffering Persecuted Church

It was a Pentecost bloodbath and most Christians never heard about it. More than 50 Christians were killed in one of the deadliest terror attacks on Nigerians this year. Scores of gunmen rushed in to kill Christians in the midst of worship. All told, over 360 million...

RECENT ARTICLES

Prophecy: A Window of Time Has Opened for Believers to Preach the Truth

I was rejoicing and praising God on Friday, June 24, 2022, for the overturning of Roe v. Wade, knowing that an ungodly decree was overturned and one national curse was broken. I heard by the Holy...
The Man Who Spent 23 Minutes in Hell: The People I Saw in Hell

The Man Who Spent 23 Minutes in Hell: The People I Saw in Hell

In 1998, God gave me a life-changing vision of hell. I receive many questions about my experience from people all over the world, but one question I'm often asked is, "Who did you see in hell?" There are others who say they've had an experience like mine, and they...

The United States: Birthed in Prophetic Symbolism

The United States: Birthed in Prophetic Symbolism

One of the most amazing facts about the Founding Fathers of our nation is this: The one referred to as the "voice" of the revolution (John Adams) and the one referred to as the "pen" of the revolution (Thomas Jefferson) both died on the same day—July 4, 1826—exactly...

Why Did God Give ‘This’ to Me?

Why Did God Give ‘This’ to Me?

It’s a question I frequently hear. It’s one I’ve asked. And maybe it’s one you’ve asked, too. The question is, “God, why did You give this to me?” This can be any number of issues, from emotional or psychological struggles to symptoms or sicknesses, disabilities or...

No Evil Can Stop What God Has Planned

No Evil Can Stop What God Has Planned

I sense it. And I perceive a growing number of people in massive proportions sense the increasing momentum of power and might worldwide. Something is on the horizon—something more eerie and ominous than what the people of the world have ever before experienced. Even...

Pin It on Pinterest