“Netflix and chill.” Sounds harmless enough, right? But is it? This is the easy way to say, “I want to have sex with you,” because, of course, that line would be way too embarrassing to type.
When I heard that “Netflix and chill” actually meant “have sex,” it didn’t entirely shock me. In the world of indirectness that we live in, where flavorfully embellished statuses are king, this is par for the course.
However, before I could judge, God reminded me that though it may have been called something different, for lack of a better term, I was to some degree a ’90s “Netflix and chill” girl. Sure, my hair had giant cauliflower bangs and yours may have soft beach waves, but we are not so different. I know there is a great thrill when you receive that text, but what if there is something more thrilling? Before you answer or send a “Netflix and chill” text, think about these things.
You are probably looking for something other than sex. Why are you answering a message when the only thing expected is sex? You are more than sex. You are more than your body. Who told you that is the only value that you add to a relationship?
If your relationship is built on only sex, is it a real relationship? You may be responding to “Netflix and chill” because of feelings of loneliness, low self-esteem, desire to be wanted or even the desire to be loved. However, you don’t get to take these feelings with you when you leave. The feeling you’ll walk out the door with is most likely regret. When you partake in this type of relationship, it only breeds more loneliness and low self-esteem. When they don’t text you the next day, the desire to be wanted increases. If you know this is inevitable, why are you doing it? This is actually damaging you, not helping you. Don’t you want more for yourself?
Does immediate gratification actually gratify? This indirect invitation for sex only seeks the immediate needs of the one sending the message. If you are receiving the message, it is not because you have a sexual need or desire they wish to meet. It is because someone else wants to use you to meet theirs. Your needs aren’t even a consideration. Selfishness is at the root of the phenomenon. If you looked at the scenario in its proper perspective, you may feel differently.
You are made for greatness. I don’t see this modern-day booty call as a great move, and if you are honest, you don’t either. You may have justified this as culturally acceptable, but should this be permissible to you? What do you want for your future? You can be the one to raise the standard in your generation, starting with those in your sphere of influence.
Personally, I went from ’90s “Netflix and chill” girl to marrying the guy I was messing around with. Just three years later, we divorced—after a physically and emotionally abusive marriage. What I thought was harmless turned out to harm me the most.
I didn’t see greatness in myself. I couldn’t—I was too busy wading through the problems my behavior created. I encourage you to stop and think about whether this is accomplishing for you what you want or what someone else wants for themselves.
Here’s the solution, whether you are seeking esteem, love, an unending relationship, someone that wants you for more than what you can do for them, the answer is not a steamy night in front of Netflix, but rather a relationship with Jesus.
It was in my first marriage that I met Jesus and realized all of the junk that my physical relationship could never satisfy me or meet my inner most need. All along, what I was searching for was Jesus.
Autumn Miles is author of Appointed, in which she shares her story of escaping an abusive marriage. She is also the founder and CEO of The Blush Network, a women’s conference ministry dedicated to spiritually challenging the way women think. For more information, visit autumnmiles.com.
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