Trusting God When Life Doesn’t Make Sense

Again I’m faced with big decisions…

Again…

Do you hear the underlying groan in my writing?

I sat with my dear friend and prayer partner recently and said, “I’m tired of trying to discern God’s will.”

I felt so ungodly saying that…so grumpy, tired and sinful.

I want to be better at it.

I feel like I must be doing something wrong…or not doing something right. 

Lord, why does it feel so difficult to know what to do? Why can’t I figure things out? Why is this so hard? Am I doing something wrong? Am I missing something?

I have prayed…and prayed…and prayed.

I have sought wisdom in Scripture.

I have asked way too many friends for advice…I think I just really, really want someone to tell me what to do.

SOMEONE, JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

And yet, I know….I KNOW…I know that God wants me to just rest in Him.  

One of my friends reminded me that God wants me to remain constantly dependent on Him.  I’m not feeling dependent.  I’m feeling crazy, slightly insane, and very, very frustrated.

Looking back, I’m hard pressed to say that I’ve made any truly successful decisions on my own in the past five years…I know I’m probably being hard on myself, but that’s how I’m feeling right now. I can’t think of one thing I haven’t looked back on and said, “If only…”