This Spirit-Led Advice May Help Save Your Marriage

by | Jan 16, 2020 | Woman

During premarital counseling, my husband and I learned many valuable lessons, but the one lesson that carried over to this day, six years later, is one particular piece of advice our pastor gave us.

About seven years ago, my then-fiance and I started premarital counseling with our pastor. We were required to attend biweekly sessions for eight weeks before our pastor would agree to marry us. He wanted to ensure we had the tools to communicate, and he also wanted to assist us in learning new ways to approach topics such as finances, stress, raising children and so forth.

“Counseling” is a word that makes certain folks uneasy, because the idea of opening up to someone can be a bit intimidating, but I love when people realize how productive, healthy and soothing counseling sessions are for couples and individuals.

In fact, I can’t say enough good things about it!

Well, during our last session, our pastor looked at us with a serious expression and said, “There will come a time when you don’t want to talk through your problems. You may feel resentful, angry or hurt, and if those emotions fester, you will find more reasons to not communicate. In knowing this, I want you to promise yourself something—that if and when those circumstances arise, one of you will commit to putting your pride to the side to lead your partner down the path of healthy communication.”

We looked at our pastor and quickly agreed to his request, and then he stopped us.

“I think you are both assuming that this might be easy, that putting your feelings aside will be a walk in the park, but during moments of anger and frustration, putting aside your emotions is anything but simple. Please, keep this advice in the back of your mind. It will come in handy someday.”

After our session, my fiance and I went about our day, yet I couldn’t help but think about our pastor’s advice. I wondered if I would be the one to initiate a conversation or an apology in the midst of an argument or if he would be the one to take the first step.

Well, three months after the day we promised each other forever, my husband and I got into an argument. I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I remember feeling frustrated over a disagreement that went south.

I looked at my husband with disdain, quietly vowing to myself to give my partner the silent treatment until he realized I was right. In that moment, I needed him to know I was right and he was wrong.

That evening, we didn’t speak. We ate dinner in silence. Then we went to bed without saying a word to one another, either.

The next morning, I woke up and no longer felt angry. At that point, I was sad. My partner and I ignored each other for an entire day, something we’ve never done. So, I started to pray. I asked God to remove the fleshly feelings from my heart, and as I prayed, our pastor’s advice flashed in my mind.

I knew what I had to do yet I was reluctant to speak to my husband.

I don’t want to be the one to initiate a conversation, I thought to myself.

I also did not want to let another day go by and not speak to the man I love most in this world.

So, I walked into our living room, took a deep breath and said, “I understand we’re both angry, and we both feel misunderstood. Let’s try to talk this out.”

Admittedly, I was seething inside, but I didn’t want to wait around to see if my partner would initiate a conversation. I cared more about our healing than proving myself right or being a victor. After all, there is no winner when two people are led by their ego.

At first, my husband was a bit cold to my request. So I reminded him about what our pastor had said during our counseling session. Then I noticed a shift in his attitude, as if he suddenly remembered our pastor’s advice and gentle warning that this day might come.

That day, we talked through our problem, and after we exchanged apologies, we put our issue in the past and carried on with life.

To this day, we follow our pastor’s advice, and one of us initiates a conversation during a time when the last thing we want to do is communicate in a healthy way. {eoa}

LightWorkersmission is to create engaging, uplifting and inspirational content that breaks through the clutter, building a community of sharing and igniting a movement in the real world that motivates people to celebrate and share the good all around them. Find them at lightworkers.com.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

The Biblical Way to Rise Above Mediocre Expectations

The Biblical Way to Rise Above Mediocre Expectations

We spend a lot of life figuring out if we “measure up,” a phrase someone coined in the mid-1800s. Even in childhood, we begin comparing ourselves with siblings and kids at school, and it never seems to stop. The problem goes back to Cain and Abel, doesn’t it? Most of...

A Better Way to Witness to Others for Christ

A Better Way to Witness to Others for Christ

”Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?” (Rom. 2:4). Looking retrospectively at my past as an atheist, I can see where God...

Why Does God Want Us to Speak with Tongues?

Why Does God Want Us to Speak with Tongues?

Why speak with tongues? There are many reasons for speaking in a spiritual language. Primarily, though, the Scriptures require it. The apostle Paul commanded us, saying, “Pray in the Spirit always” (Eph. 6:18). Jude commanded it in verse 20, saying, “Pray in the Holy...

Why God’s Rebuilding is Better Than His Restoration

Why God’s Rebuilding is Better Than His Restoration

Often, I have prayed for the Lord to restore something in my life. Whenever I have gone through a hard season or a broken relationship, my prayers automatically petition the Lord to restore my situation. Whenever there is a loss, and you are going through the grieving...

Why America Must Adopt the Battle Cry of Isaiah

Why America Must Adopt the Battle Cry of Isaiah

A battle cry is used to summon armies to war. A loud, unified shout could intimidate the strongest of enemies. Confidence in battle often tilts the scale toward victory, whereas timidity, fear and cowardliness will surely lead to defeat. In these dreadful times, don’t...

RECENT ARTICLES

Intentionally Raising a Godly Generation

Debbie put her faith in Christ at age 11. In fact, her whole family met Jesus at just about the same time. As her parents began growing in their faith, they nurtured growth in their children as...
Dream Big: How to Cultivate Divine Revelation While You Sleep

Dream Big: How to Cultivate Divine Revelation While You Sleep

Do you have any dreams from God that you have allowed to fall by the wayside? For some of you, it’s time to dream again. For some of you, it’s time to dust off your previous dreams. For some of you, it’s important to realize God is not late; He’s always on time. For...

Prophecy: God Is Bringing About Swift Turnarounds

Prophecy: God Is Bringing About Swift Turnarounds

In the month of August, God is bringing swift turnarounds so that your hard places will become a wide-open field. God is bringing about divine connections in order to strengthen the body of Christ. He is releasing faith for radical generosity, divine strategy to...

End-Times Truth: The Rapture Reveals a Split Church

End-Times Truth: The Rapture Reveals a Split Church

There are several resurrections and raptures in the Bible. I cannot understand those who argue that because there is no mention of the word "rapture" in the Bible they do not believe in it. They only believe in the Second Coming of the Lord. Some arguments are no...

The Supernatural Secrets of Real Revival

The Supernatural Secrets of Real Revival

What does an authentic world-igniting revival look like? And, how are the seeds of revival planted? This we can learn from the life and work of William Joseph Seymour—God’s chosen vessel and apostle of the Azusa Street Revival.  Bishop William Joseph Seymour, was a...

Pin It on Pinterest

[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]