Thinking About Adopting Your Foster Care Kid?

by | Jul 6, 2015 | Woman

As of today we’ve had our new girls in our home for twenty days—twenty glorious, noisy, dramatic, wonderful days. As parents for 26 years, John and I are used to noise, to mess, and to drama, but adopting teens from foster care takes this to a whole new level … in a good way.

Currently, John is out of town for work and last night we Skyped with him. In addition to our new teens ages 15, 12, and 12, we also have three little ones at home ages 7, 5, and 4. So please picture six excited faces (mine makes seven) crowded in front of the computer trying to chat with Dad. From the other side of the world, John was soaking it all in.

“There is so much life at home,” he said with a smile.

That’s a good way to sum it up.

When John and I first thought about adopting again, we knew we wanted older kids who would soon be aging out of foster care. We also knew we wanted to adopt a sibling group. We knew that sibling groups are harder to place. We also knew we wanted some of those siblings to be girls, because girls are SO vulnerable when they age out of foster care. And while we thought in generalities, God had four specific girls in mind. (The fourth will be moving in later this summer.) We have no doubt God put that desire on our hearts for a reason. We can’t imagine our life without these girls.

So what is it really like adopting teens from foster care?

1. It’s emotional.

My heart aches when I hear about the pain in their past. I’m sad that I wasn’t there to hold them during hurts. I’m sorry they had to go through what they did, while at the same time, I’m thankful that I can hear their stories and attempt to understand. That sadness is mixed with excitement of discovering the personalities of each kid. There is joy in feeling the connections and bonds growing. There is hope that our family unit will continue to grow strong. There is love. Growing, intertwining, deepening love.

2. It’s dramatic.

There are many relationships that are interacting all at the same time. There are teen siblings who’ve been through a lot together and other kids in the family who are trying to adjust to all these new people, too. Each relationship has unique interactions, some I don’t completely understand yet. The drama comes from fun and fights, from pulling together and at times pushing apart. It’s as if eleven pinballs have been released into a pinball game at once and everyone bounces off everyone else (while staying within the confines of who “the Goyers” are). The drama isn’t bad. Instead it’s a sign that everyone is still getting used to everyone else. Even in this short time, it’s fun to see how individual relationships are changing and growing. (Then there is the dynamic of having twins! I never really understood the twin bond before. These girls are screaming at each other one minute and hugging each other the next. I’m in awe.)

3. It’s holy.

I can’t think of a better word to describe it. Despite the emotions and drama, despite the paperwork, the DHS visits, the check-ins and home studies, there’s a sense that this is good, this is right, and this new sense of family makes God smile. Those who were once not-a-family are now a family. Those who were orphans—wards of the state—are now cherished children. Those were apart are now together, with God in the center. His Spirit is here in the midst of the noise and mess, and He is pleased. I feel that pleasure.

Those are the three top things that came to mind when I thought about how this adoption is going.

Do I have any regrets in choosing to adopt teens? Not one.

Am I falling in love with these kids? Yes, very much.

Do I get overwhelmed and tired at times? Everyone would nod yes to this one. Mom does get tired and cranky!

Is it hard figuring out how to deal with teen issues in today’s world? Yes! Even though I’ve raised three kids to adulthood, raising teens today is different than ten years ago. Each personality is different, too. I’m still trying to figure it out!

Will I have to give up some of me to make more room for them? I already have.

Is it expensive? Yes, they eat a lot and like clothes!

Is it worth it? Yes, yes, yes!

What it’s really like adopting teens from foster care is seeing that God had something more wonderful planned than I ever could have imagined. It’s seeing His way of caring for orphans is hard but beautiful. It’s understanding that while we’re giving a lot we’ve been given some pretty amazing gifts. I’m so thankful that these gifts now call me Mom.

Tricia Goyer has written more than 35 books, including both novels that delight and entertain readers and nonfiction titles that offer encouragement and hope. She has also published more than 500 articles in national publications such as Guideposts, Thriving Family, Proverbs 31, and HomeLife Magazine.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

Why Love Shouldn’t Upset Your Health Journey

Why Love Shouldn’t Upset Your Health Journey

What should we do when our loving husband brings us our favorite candy and we have committed to not eating sugar? As a Christian weight loss coach, I’ve heard from many wives who are afraid of hurting his feelings if she tells him she doesn’t want that any more. She’s...

What’s the Answer to Raging Political Violence in the Nations?

What’s the Answer to Raging Political Violence in the Nations?

Read Time: 1 Minute, 21 Seconds I’ve had several prophetic words on political violence come to me in recent months. I can’t shake it, especially after seeing the vice president of Argentina narrowly escape an assassination because the would-be-murderer’s gun jammed....

Prophecy: The Lord is Releasing Prophetic Destinies

Prophecy: The Lord is Releasing Prophetic Destinies

Read Time: 1 Minute, 44 Seconds The world is shifting and we are entering a critical time in history, one that can be concerning for some and exciting for others. We are seeing the very prophecy of the Bible laid out and manifesting before us. The harvest is coming!...

David Jeremiah: The Significance of a Small Sacrifice

David Jeremiah: The Significance of a Small Sacrifice

Read Time: 4 Minutes, 28 Seconds Did you hear about the boy who took off his favorite bow tie during the church service and put it in the offering plate? When his dad asked him why he had done such a thing, the youngster replied, “Don’t you know? The pastor tells us...

Kingdom Economics: Choosing a Better Way—God’s Way

Kingdom Economics: Choosing a Better Way—God’s Way

The Bureau of Economic Analysis (BEA) released its third and final estimate of second quarter GDP (Gross Domestic Product) and its PCE (Personal Consumption Expenditure Price Index). Since core (less food and energy) PCE is one of the Fed’s preferred measures of...

RECENT ARTICLES

Orthodox Jew: The Miraculous Return of the Red Heifer to Israel

Read Time: 4 Minutes, 4 Seconds American Airlines flight 146 touched down at Israel’s Ben Gurion airport on time, arriving from New York’s JFK airport as one of the dozens of flights that arrive in...
Brother Andrew Was My Hero

Brother Andrew Was My Hero

When Andrew van der Bijl was a young man, doctors told him he was “too weak to travel” because of his chronic back pain. That advice seems absurd now, when we look back on the life of this legendary evangelist who came to be known as “Brother Andrew.” After he started...

Elvis Presley’s Charismatic Faith on Display in New Book

Elvis Presley’s Charismatic Faith on Display in New Book

A new book called “The Faith of Elvis Presley” explores the spiritual side of the iconic “Heartbreak Hotel” singer, asserting that Elvis was a devout Christian who prayed for the infilling of the Holy Spirit on a regular basis. The author, Billy Stanley, whose mother...

Pin It on Pinterest