How You Can Have a No-Regrets Marriage

by | May 16, 2019 | Woman

Marriage is for our benefit here on earth. Marriage can sometimes seem endless and tedious, but it is temporary. And when it’s over you will want to be able to look back without regrets.

Every now and then you see a story or video about a couple who was married for many decades and died in their 90s within minutes or hours of each other. Most of us, me included, will not be blessed with that experience. In most marriages, one spouse will precede the other in death by years or even decades.

In looking back at the years I was married, I’m grateful for the ways in which I loved my husband well. I also remember how hard it was on occasion to remember the “long view” during periods of fatigue, sickness or confusion. There are certainly things I wish I had done differently, though my regrets are few.

When your husband or wife dies, it’s too late to love them well. Here are a few things I would encourage any married person to embrace, knowing you will want to look back at your marriage without regrets.

1. Say what needs to be said.

Hard conversations are hard! It’s so much easier to let things slide. It takes courage to broach the difficult topics. That includes talking about things such as:

  • What’s important to you about death and final arrangements.
  • Financial matters.
  • Your and your spouse’s eternal standing with God.
  • Things you need to ask forgiveness for or forgive your spouse for.
  • What you love and appreciate about each other.

These are not topics to get past in a one-and-done conversation; they are things to prayerfully and tenderly talk about at the right times. Choose the setting thoughtfully, study your spouse to know how they will be most able to hear you and be courageous in bringing up the painful or difficult topics. Do a lot of listening.

There will come a time when you will wish you had said what right now seems too difficult to say. I’m so very grateful for the hard conversations Al and I did have. There are more things I wish I would have said, but now I hold on to everything we did say to each other. Don’t put these conversations off because they are hard. Hard and uncomfortable is better than too late!

2. Deal with your stuff.

You can only love your spouse well to the degree you have dealt with your own junk: habits, false messages, addictions, trauma, selfishness and so on. None of us is perfect! But becoming functional means your stuff is not in charge; you are.

If you’ve been through trauma in the past (and almost every one of us has been), intentionally seek healing so that your scars don’t continue to wound your spouse. Do whatever it takes to deal with your addiction so your spouse is not victimized also. If pornography, anger, food addiction, people pleasing or anything else is an issue for you, get serious and get help if you need to. While you must do this for you, perhaps realizing how it will benefit your husband or wife will give added fuel to your motivation.

The Holy Spirit will continue to work on you as long as you live. But getting past your dysfunctions will dramatically impact how well you can love your spouse. Do it now; that may be one of the best gifts you can give your husband or wife.

3. Love your spouse well.

That does not always mean being nice! It does mean being the person God needs you to be to your spouse in this season. As you get over your own stuff, you can do this better and better.

Be intentional. Take the time to pay attention. Study your spouse; who are they really? How are you showing up in your marriage? What’s it like to be married to you? If your spouse were suddenly not there, would you be able to look back at the way you have been loving them and not have regrets?

Remember that both you and your spouse are sinners; those are the only humans available for marriage! In a healthy marriage God intends for both partners to find significant healing; are you being a vehicle of that healing for your spouse?

4. Say “I love you” often in both words and deeds. Don’t make the mistake of thinking your words are enough if you sabotage or demean your spouse in other ways. And don’t believe your spouse knows how you love them by your actions alone; they needs words as well. Love languages differ; it helps to know your individual love languages.

As the 6-year-old little girl said, “If you love someone, hurry up and show it!”

Love your spouse well while you can; you will be left with far few regrets.

Your Turn: If your spouse were suddenly not there, what kind of regrets would you be left with? Few? Many? Is there anything you would like to change now? Leave a comment below.

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksleyis both a board-certified OB-GYN physician and an ordained doctor of ministry. As an author and speaker, she loves helping people discover the Fully Alive kind of life Jesus came to bring us. Visit her website at drcarolministries.com.

This article originally appeared at drcarolministries.com.

Hear more about living without regrets in this podcast about Dr. Carol’s grief following the loss of her husband.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

Prophetic Vision: Three Tables Are Set

Prophetic Vision: Three Tables Are Set

Recently as I was worshipping the Lord, I went into a vision where I could see I was in a dark and very deep valley. It was nighttime, and the valley was surrounded by tall mountains. On the top of each I could see the outlines of men and instinctively knew they were...

How Your Apostolic and Prophetic Worship Will Hurt the Enemy

How Your Apostolic and Prophetic Worship Will Hurt the Enemy

We are living in a time where it seems that dreams and visions are accelerating. The enemy fights against prophetic insight being poured out according to Joel 2:28-32. Numerous deliverance ministries have risen up to combat the ‘Pandora's box’ that was released in...

Is He a God of Wrath or a God of Love?

Is He a God of Wrath or a God of Love?

Do you think the God of the Old Testament is a God of wrath, and the God of the New Testament is a God of love? The truth is that God is the same throughout the entire Bible. His wrath and His love are revealed in both the Old and the New Testaments. So why, then, did...

How You Can Have a Perfect Heart

How You Can Have a Perfect Heart

Your heart is the most important part of you. It’s not only a physical organ that keeps your blood pumping, but when the Bible refers to the heart, it’s talking about who you really are. Each person has an inner and an outer life. There’s the person we show to...

How the FBI Raid on Mar-a-Lago Is Spiritual Warfare

How the FBI Raid on Mar-a-Lago Is Spiritual Warfare

It's been a few days since the FBI raided President Donald Trump's home in Mar-a-Lago, and the Biden Administration has yet to explain to the American people why they did what's never been done in American history—the government raiding the home of a former president....

RECENT ARTICLES

How the Holy Spirit Can Restore Your True Sanity

Most of my life I tried to avoid one thing—being crazy or insane. When I was growing up my mother had emotional issues and saw a psychiatrist regularly. She was on medication which only seemed to...
Israel Prophecy: The Enemy is Stirring an Unimaginable Conflict

Israel Prophecy: The Enemy is Stirring an Unimaginable Conflict

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJFFqAgykmU A cease-fire between Israel and Palestinian militants took effect late Sunday in a bid to end nearly three days of violence that killed dozens of Palestinians and disrupted the lives of hundreds of thousands of Israelis,...

Why Partial Obedience to God is Disobedience

Why Partial Obedience to God is Disobedience

My husband had a saying for our children growing up. “Partial obedience is disobedience.” He wanted them to understand that doing half the plan would not get them the full reward. Another reminder we used to tell our kids was, “Don’t think about it, don’t hesitate,...

Can You Discern Spiritual Wind?

Can You Discern Spiritual Wind?

The wind is a funny thing. We do not know where it comes from nor where it goes. We cannot see it, but we can see and feel its effects. Wind can be gentle and refreshing, cold or hot, strong, and dangerous, and everything in between. When the wind blows, we must...

Messianic Rabbi: He That Has an Eye, Let Him Hear

Messianic Rabbi: He That Has an Eye, Let Him Hear

It is interesting that, as a Messianic rabbi the question I am asked most often by Christians is if I believe that they as Christians have to celebrate, or observe, the biblical Holy Days. They are usually asking about those days listed in Leviticus 23: Shabbat, Yom...

How the Holy Spirit Is Preparing America

How the Holy Spirit Is Preparing America

As the crackdown against Christianity in America grows, it is a cycle believers have seen before. While no one celebrates their religious freedom coming under attack, God has used this persecution to great effect throughout history. Over the centuries, there have been...

Pin It on Pinterest

[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]