How to Deal With a Mad Teenager

by | Jan 31, 2000 | Woman

John stood at our door arrayed in all his black leather splendor. Safety pins ringed his ear lobes; jewelry pierced his nose and lips. Tattoos covered his arms. Both sides of his head were shaved, the hair on top spiked down the middle.

Our daughter had told me her date was coming, but I wasn’t prepared for what greeted me when I opened the door.

My thoughts raced: Should I let this road warrior in? Is my daughter in danger? What will my congregation think if she brings this guy to church?

“Uh, you must be John,” I managed to stutter.

“Yeah,” he smirked. “Is Amy ready?”

“Not quite.” I stalled and searched for an excuse to keep Amy home.

Amy breezed into the room. “We’re off to get something to eat and go to the game. I’ll be home at 11.”

I wanted to tackle John and scream my objections. The counselor inside me said to stay cool and calm, but the parent in me wanted to panic.

Amy was a junior in high school. Her grades had started sliding, and her friends had changed. Warning clouds were gathering on the horizon.

Even though Amy came home on time that night, I still felt uneasy.

“Amy, we need to talk about your new friend,” I started.

“You were shocked by his looks, weren’t you?” Amy replied.

“You got it,” I said. “I’m not sure you should be hanging with him or that kind of crowd.”

I began my sermon, pouring out all my fears about her friends being into drugs, sex, booze and rebellion. Amy angrily defended her friends and her right to make her own decisions. But we failed to hear what each other was saying; the wall of miscommunication went up and stayed up for months.

We eventually tore the wall down, and today, a decade later, our relationship has never been stronger. But on that night years ago, I believed our daughter’s destiny hung in the balance. A supernatural battle had commenced, and we needed every spiritual weapon we could muster.

Tearing down any wall between you and your teen-ager is critical–not only for your relationship but also for your teen’s eternal destiny.

Satan does not want the next generation saved, armed and dangerous. He deceives teens into believing their parents don’t love them and then tries to isolate them from their parents’ protective spiritual covering so he can attack them when they become lost and helpless sheep (see John 10:1-18).

It’s your responsibility to take immediate steps to tear the bricks out of the wall of miscommunication and reach out to your teen. You may be tempted to deny the problem or to believe that time will make the wall go away. But time doesn’t fix relationships; only God can do that.

BRICKS IN THE WALL What constitutes a brick in a relational wall? A brick is a word, action or attitude that causes hurt and divides people instead of drawing them together. We use bricks of negative words, hurtful actions or ugly attitudes to hurt, punish or judge another person. Here are some big ones to avoid:

Brick #1: Failing to listen. I was so concerned about telling Amy what I wanted her to know that I failed to listen to her. Even when we appear to be listening, we may be inattentive, thinking about what we are going to say next instead of listening to what our teen is saying.

Focus on your child, and pay attention to your body language and tone of voice. My body language was threatening, and my voice carried the tone of an angry preacher proclaiming fire and brimstone from the pulpit.

After I had delivered my sermon, I left our living room and made myself unavailable. Drowning myself in work and believing that my word was final, I drove Amy further from me. She did what she wanted to anyway. When we are not available to our teens, we remove accountability from the relationship.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

Messianic Rabbi: He That Has an Eye, Let Him Hear

Messianic Rabbi: He That Has an Eye, Let Him Hear

It is interesting that, as a Messianic rabbi the question I am asked most often by Christians is if I believe that they as Christians have to celebrate, or observe, the biblical Holy Days. They are usually asking about those days listed in Leviticus 23: Shabbat, Yom...

How the Holy Spirit Is Preparing America

How the Holy Spirit Is Preparing America

As the crackdown against Christianity in America grows, it is a cycle believers have seen before. While no one celebrates their religious freedom coming under attack, God has used this persecution to great effect throughout history. Over the centuries, there have been...

Dealing Effectively with the Dynamics of Change

Dealing Effectively with the Dynamics of Change

Change can be challenging. Some people look forward to change and embrace it. Some people dread change and try to avoid it. Since change is inevitable, so here are some of the dynamics surrounding change and the specific strategies to deal with change more...

God’s Holy Interruption Is Coming Soon

God’s Holy Interruption Is Coming Soon

This past weekend I preached at The Roads Church, a charismatic congregation located in the tiny town of Norris City, Illinois. Located amid cornfields, the population is only 1,325, but almost that many people visit the church on weekends. They come from all over...

The Biblical Way to Rise Above Mediocre Expectations

The Biblical Way to Rise Above Mediocre Expectations

We spend a lot of life figuring out if we “measure up,” a phrase someone coined in the mid-1800s. Even in childhood, we begin comparing ourselves with siblings and kids at school, and it never seems to stop. The problem goes back to Cain and Abel, doesn’t it? Most of...

RECENT ARTICLES

A Better Way to Witness to Others for Christ

”Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?” (Rom. 2:4). Looking...
Why Does God Want Us to Speak with Tongues?

Why Does God Want Us to Speak with Tongues?

Why speak with tongues? There are many reasons for speaking in a spiritual language. Primarily, though, the Scriptures require it. The apostle Paul commanded us, saying, “Pray in the Spirit always” (Eph. 6:18). Jude commanded it in verse 20, saying, “Pray in the Holy...

Why God’s Rebuilding is Better Than His Restoration

Why God’s Rebuilding is Better Than His Restoration

Often, I have prayed for the Lord to restore something in my life. Whenever I have gone through a hard season or a broken relationship, my prayers automatically petition the Lord to restore my situation. Whenever there is a loss, and you are going through the grieving...

Why America Must Adopt the Battle Cry of Isaiah

Why America Must Adopt the Battle Cry of Isaiah

A battle cry is used to summon armies to war. A loud, unified shout could intimidate the strongest of enemies. Confidence in battle often tilts the scale toward victory, whereas timidity, fear and cowardliness will surely lead to defeat. In these dreadful times, don’t...

Intentionally Raising a Godly Generation

Intentionally Raising a Godly Generation

Debbie put her faith in Christ at age 11. In fact, her whole family met Jesus at just about the same time. As her parents began growing in their faith, they nurtured growth in their children as well. Family Bible reading, prayer and talking about God’s leading in...

Pin It on Pinterest

[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]