You Can Love Your Spouse More When You Realize This About Them

by | Jul 22, 2015 | Man

It seems obvious enough, but many people get married with unrealistic expectations of the person they are marrying. Here is a newsflash for you: Nobody is perfect.

Here’s the point: You both bring something into your marriage that is destructive. It is called sin.

Most of the troubles we face in a marriage aren’t intentional or personal. In most situations, we don’t face difficulty because our spouse intentionally did something to make our life difficult. In moments of anger, that could happen. But most often, what’s really happening is that our lives are being affected by the sin, weakness and failure of the person we are living with.

If your wife is having a bad day, that bad day will splash up on you in some way. If your husband is angry about his job, there is a good possibility that he’ll bring that anger home with him.

When your ears hear and your eyes see the sin, weakness and failure of your husband or wife, it’s never an accident—it’s always grace! God loves your spouse, and He’s committed to transforming him or her by His grace. And, he has chosen you to be one of His regular tools of change. He will cause you to see, hear and experience your spouse’s need for change so that you can be an agent of His rescue.

These are precious moments of ministry, but we tend to turn moments of ministry into moments of anger. Rather than serving God’s purpose, we tend to personalize what is not personal. For example, at the end of his bad day at work, your husband doesn’t say to himself, “I know what I’ll do. I’ll take my bad day out on my wife so that her day gets as wrecked as mine.”

No, the trouble you’re experiencing is not about you directly. It’s your trouble because this angry man is your husband, but what you’re experiencing is not personal in terms of conscious intentionality. You’re simply living with a flawed person, so you’ll experience his sin.

Here’s what happens next: When you personalize what isn’t personal, you tend to be adversarial in your response. What motivates you is not the spiritual need in your spouse that God has revealed, but your spouse’s offense against you, your schedule, your peace and so on.

What should be your response in a moment of ministry (for my spouse) becomes a response in a moment of anger (against my spouse). Rather than desiring to minister to your spouse, what you actually want to do is get them out of your way so you can go back to whatever was engaging you before.

When we respond in an adversarial way, we actually escalate the trouble that the other person splashed up on us. This leads to something else: We settle for quick situational solutions that don’t get to the heart of the matter. Rather than searching for ways to help, we tell the other to get a grip; we attempt to threaten them into silence or we get angry and turn a moment of weakness into a major confrontation.

Even during the best of times, you’ll experience the sin, weakness, and failure of your spouse. It’s inevitable—you’re married to a flawed person. But on the Cross, Jesus Christ provided everything you need to respond in a godly way. What response will you choose?

Dr. Paul David Tripp is a pastor, author, and international conference speaker. He is the president of Paul Tripp Ministries and works to connect the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life. Paul lives in Philadelphia and is hopelessly in love with his wife, Luella. They have four grown children.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

Dr. Alveda King’s Urgent Message for Christians

Dr. Alveda King’s Urgent Message for Christians

On Sept. 1 President Joe Biden took the stage in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and called MAGA Americans a "threat to democracy." He emboldened Americans to join him in defending democracy against the millions of people who support President Donald Trump. After listening...

Man Who Spent 23 Minutes in Hell: Don’t Deceive Yourself

Man Who Spent 23 Minutes in Hell: Don’t Deceive Yourself

People are deceived by pride, by sin, by evil people, by strong drink and by living in fear. If a person is teachable and adheres to the instructions found in the Bible, they will recognize any errors in their thinking and correct themselves. For the rest of this...

8 Contrasts Between the Confessing and Compromising Church

8 Contrasts Between the Confessing and Compromising Church

During the days of Nazi Germany, there arose a Confessing church movement that rose against the German church movement, which became the religious arm of the Fascist Nazi Socialist movement. Of the 18,000 pastors in Germany during that time (from 1933 to 1945), less...

Will the New Set of Seven Years on the Jewish Calendar Be Our Last?

Will the New Set of Seven Years on the Jewish Calendar Be Our Last?

Note: This is the second of a two-part series. For part one, click here. Beginning at sunset on Sunday, Sept. 25, our Jewish friends (and increasingly many Christians) will begin a two-day celebration of Rosh Hashanah, their time for new beginnings or a "new year."...

Is America Preparing the Way for a One-World Ruler?

Is America Preparing the Way for a One-World Ruler?

The culmination of history is approaching. The end of the world may be at hand. Yet Jesus tells us we should not be alarmed. Why? Because we are engraved in the palms of His hands. Because we are carried in His arms. Because we are the apple of His eye. The time is...

A ‘Davidic Anointing’ is Descending Upon Musical Instruments

A ‘Davidic Anointing’ is Descending Upon Musical Instruments

I once heard a testimony where the Holy Ghost was falling upon the people during worship. The preacher, R.W. Schambach, testified how the piano player got so filled with the Spirit that she fell off of the piano bench and the piano kept right on playing. No other...

RECENT ARTICLES

Joyce Meyer: How You Can Make God’s Love Your Lifestyle

I have made it a priority to study about love in the Word of God. Getting a revelation about how much God loves me and learning to receive His love has been life-changing for me. It’s been the key...
Rod Parsley: Are You the Pharisee or the Tax Collector?

Rod Parsley: Are You the Pharisee or the Tax Collector?

As with all virtues, humility has an opposite: pride. It should not surprise us that revival and restoration begins with humility, because all “falling away” begins with pride. Pride sent the archangel Lucifer plummeting from the heights of glorious splendor near the...

What to Do with an Urgent Warning from the Lord

What to Do with an Urgent Warning from the Lord

Many people are receiving urgent warnings from the Lord about things taking place in the earth. Releasing those warnings can be difficult. Done the wrong way, people will turn a deaf ear and the last thing you want to do is breed fear. Maybe you aren't getting...

Pin It on Pinterest