Most men like to feel independent. They want to believe that they can handle any situation on their own, from fixing a leaky faucet to solving a complex problem.
That may be true in many instances. But even the television and movie producers in Hollywood know that one man alone is rarely as effective as a team.
The Lone Ranger had Tonto. Batman had Robin. The X-Men were a group of men with special individual abilities. The Marvel series, featuring comic book characters, shows teamwork.
All of these heroes need someone else to help them succeed. There is great value in joining with others to overcome obstacles.
The same is true in defeating pornography. You may have convinced yourself that you can quit porn all by yourself. Your male ego refuses to let you believe you need help from other men.
Let me be clear: You cannot quit porn alone. Michael Leahy, founder of BraveHearts, says that only one addict in 10,000 finds lasting recovery without a support community.
It’s vitally important that you become involved with a recovery accountability group. Forming strong relations with men who share your struggle (and victory) is a powerful weapon in your journey to freedom from porn.
Mark Denison, founder of There’s Still Hope, said, “Recovery is relational. No book can ever be an effective substitute for time spent with others on the same journey.”
Can’t I Just Have One Accountability Partner?
Accountability works best in a group. A supportive team of Christian men offers a caring and supportive way to find recovery.
According to Mark Brouwer, a trainer and expert in sex addiction and recovery,
“All addictions are terribly isolating, and sexual struggles are the worst. The shame keeps us from being honest, and the time it takes pulls us away from developing friendships.”
Dr. Adam Moore, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains, “Learning to reach out to people who are stable, available, safe and committed to your recovery is important to your own healing. We are all wired for human connection, and being isolated from others makes healing difficult, if not impossible.”
Proverbs 11:14 (NASB) tells us “in abundance of counselors there is victory.” And James 5:16 (MEV) says, “Therefore confess your faults to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man accomplishes much.”
An Important Perspective
If you think that by participating in an accountability group means that the men are there to make you better, you need to change your thinking.
Peter Mahaffey of Strength to Fight writes:
The majority of people think accountability as having someone keep you accountable. That is not the biblical understanding of accountability. Accountability is making yourself accountable to others. In other words, the responsibility is upon you to share with others how you are doing. The responsibility is on you to share if you are feeling tempted. The responsibility is on you to confess that you have sinned. You will not stand before God and justify yourself by saying: “but my friends didn’t check up on me.” You are responsible to make yourself accountable.
The men in your group are there because they personally know about the devastating effects porn can have on a man’s life. They are not there to tear you down; they are there to build you up.
But for an accountability group to be most valuable, you must be open to complete disclosure and openness about your porn addiction. Your Christian brothers are available and willing to help in any way they can, but you have to commit to full participation.
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17, NASB).
Why You Need to Join an Accountability Group
Realize the seriousness of your porn addiction. Besides risking your own mental and spiritual health, you are risking your marriage, family relationships, your job and so many areas of your daily life.
Do you really think your porn addiction is worth the possibility of destroying everything?
The answer is obvious. But you will not be able to experience freedom from your bondage to porn by yourself. You need a band of brothers to fight with you.
Dr. Moore said, “This process is not just about abstinence or stopping certain behaviors. This is about real change that affects every area of life.”
Forest Benedict, author and licensed therapist, notes, “Groups provide a safe context in which we can learn to trust again. It is in groups that we get to practice connecting with others, possibly for the first time in our life … The miracle of recovery occurs when love begins to fill us in a way that lust never could.”
It is in a group setting that you will be reminded that God really does love you just as you are. And your group will embrace you and fight your porn battle with you every step of the way.
Dr. Ted Roberts is the founder of Pure Desire Ministries and the host of a powerful cinematic small group study called the Conquer Series. He explains, “You were wounded in community; therefore, you have to be healed in community.”
Join a Conquer Group Now
You can join an accountability group right now. Many churches are using the Conquer Series, preparing to run groups this Fall. The 12-DVD lessons are helping over 750,000 men find victory over pornography.
So check with your church to find out if they already have Conquer Groups. If so, they will be glad to get you connected.
But if your church isn’t running a group, you can sign up for a local or online Conquer Group.
Churches interested in starting a Conquer Group can order the Conquer Series and review it with a 14-day money back guarantee.