Why You Feel You Just Can’t Stop Watching Porn

by | Oct 24, 2018 | Man

Just for the sake of argument, let’s change the keyword for a minute. Let’s say we’re talking about something more harmless—like donuts. Imagine for a moment you’ve got a friend who hates his job, is miserable in his marriage or just has the sense his life is out of control. Let’s say your buddy, looking for a little bit of relief while life unravels, tries to cope with his stress by eating donuts. Sometimes he just nibbles at one, sometimes he gorges on two dozen. In either case, he feels pretty guilty about it because he’s read a few articles recently about the negative effects of glaze and chocolate. And he’s been keeping donuts a secret.

So he wakes up one day, deciding it’s time for a change. He goes all out: eats egg-white omelets for breakfast, shreds his Discount Donut membership card, even changes his driving habits so he doesn’t cruise past any Hot and Fresh signs on his way to work. Let’s say your friend never eats another donut for the rest of his life. He’s the new poster boy for how donut eaters can change. Here’s the question: If he makes the positive step of staying away from donuts, has he dealt with the underlying issues in his life? If he conquers donuts, is he done? Has he dealt with the core issues in his job, his marriage or his life? The answer is not necessarily. Because this isn’t really about donuts, is it?

As we continue to think about porn and marriage, we’re addressing two dimensions of a difficult topic: the external behaviors and the internal desires of the heart. It is vital to consider both. It’s just that many times discussions about porn center on quitting it —and stop there. That’s hugely important. But husbands who are trying to be wise want to love their wives with their hearts, minds, and affections (internal) as well as with their observable behaviors (external). So why do men look at porn? Here are a few of the more typical reasons men are enticed by porn. Check if you see yourself in any of these.

Coping With Stress

Life often is beyond our ability to control. In the middle of uncertainty, porn can feel like a small island where a man can make things turn out exactly the way he wants, providing an artificial sense of strength, assurance and control. But using porn this way can only fabricate the illusion of control based on a mirage.

Avoidance of an Issue in Marriage

Marriage, emotional intimacy and sex take difficult work. Sometimes it can feel easier just to avoid a tough topic altogether and bury yourself in porn. But this leaves unaddressed issues in your marriage.

Sense of Entitlement

You don’t know how hard I work. My marriage is different and broken. At the end of the week, I deserve some “me” time. Each of these mindsets says that based on exceptional circumstance, porn is earned or deserved. But this mentality is self-centered, acting as if self-gratification is the most important thing.

Medicating Pain

In place of long-standing hurt or disappointment, for a few minutes, I can have something that makes me feel good. But using porn as an antidote for pain treats only the symptom, masking the underlying problem—like taking a shot of cortisol and sending a badly injured player back into the game.

You might find you have different answers than these. Depending on where you are in conversation with your wife about porn, she can be an exceptionally insightful ally to help examine what’s really going on inside you.

So what’s your why? You need to know the answer. You want your marriage (and your life) healthy on the inside as well as the outside. The last thing you want is to get your external behaviors under control but have untreated, internal issues crop up again in a different area of life. Doctors know about this. They treat both symptoms and the underlying condition. Get some good medicine by seeking to understand your own why of porn.

How important do you think it is to consider both the external behaviors and internal desires of porn? {eoa}

This article originally appeared at allprodad.com.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

Will the New Set of Seven Years on the Jewish Calendar Be Our Last?

Will the New Set of Seven Years on the Jewish Calendar Be Our Last?

Note: This is the second of a two-part series. For part one, click here. Beginning at sunset on Sunday, Sept. 25, our Jewish friends (and increasingly many Christians) will begin a two-day celebration of Rosh Hashanah, their time for new beginnings or a "new year."...

Is America Preparing the Way for a One-World Ruler?

Is America Preparing the Way for a One-World Ruler?

The culmination of history is approaching. The end of the world may be at hand. Yet Jesus tells us we should not be alarmed. Why? Because we are engraved in the palms of His hands. Because we are carried in His arms. Because we are the apple of His eye. The time is...

A ‘Davidic Anointing’ is Descending Upon Musical Instruments

A ‘Davidic Anointing’ is Descending Upon Musical Instruments

I once heard a testimony where the Holy Ghost was falling upon the people during worship. The preacher, R.W. Schambach, testified how the piano player got so filled with the Spirit that she fell off of the piano bench and the piano kept right on playing. No other...

Joyce Meyer: How You Can Make God’s Love Your Lifestyle

Joyce Meyer: How You Can Make God’s Love Your Lifestyle

I have made it a priority to study about love in the Word of God. Getting a revelation about how much God loves me and learning to receive His love has been life-changing for me. It’s been the key to being able to really enjoy my life because when I received God’s...

Mario Murillo: What God is Saying About America’s Destruction

Mario Murillo: What God is Saying About America’s Destruction

Many prophetic words released today shout one of these two headlines: America Is Past Hope and Will Be Destroyed America Is Favored and Will Never Be Destroyed Facebook oozes with voices claiming to be prophets or mouthpieces for God. The internet teems with...

How The Christian Community Can Change American Politics for Good

How The Christian Community Can Change American Politics for Good

A fascinating discovery has taken place recently in the state of California. Locals there attest that the wildfires that have ravaged the landscape, lives and livelihoods of residents for a decade don’t seem to be getting any better. They seem to be getting worse,...

RECENT ARTICLES

Former Atheist: How the Deconstruction of Your Christian Faith Can Actually Strengthen It

Best-selling author Lee Strobel, an atheist and investigative journalist who failed to disprove the resurrection of Jesus during two years of digging for evidence, believes Christians who properly...
Rod Parsley: Are You the Pharisee or the Tax Collector?

Rod Parsley: Are You the Pharisee or the Tax Collector?

As with all virtues, humility has an opposite: pride. It should not surprise us that revival and restoration begins with humility, because all “falling away” begins with pride. Pride sent the archangel Lucifer plummeting from the heights of glorious splendor near the...

What to Do with an Urgent Warning from the Lord

What to Do with an Urgent Warning from the Lord

Many people are receiving urgent warnings from the Lord about things taking place in the earth. Releasing those warnings can be difficult. Done the wrong way, people will turn a deaf ear and the last thing you want to do is breed fear. Maybe you aren't getting...

Prophetic Word: ‘You Will Taste the Rain of Heaven’

Prophetic Word: ‘You Will Taste the Rain of Heaven’

Get ready for a supernatural strength to take over the land. It is time for worldwide revival and for you to reclaim what God has promised. Don’t back down and give in to despair. God’s plan is in motion. I heard the Lord say, “The enemy has brought discouragement and...

Mario Murillo: The Fuse to a National Awakening

Mario Murillo: The Fuse to a National Awakening

A lot of churchgoers yearn for soothing sermons. Meanwhile, a growing company seeks to understand authority, brokenness and Resurrection life. Who are these “others” who have their eyes wide open? They are too loud for most. They pray longer and deeper than what is...

The Value of the Golden Aged Among Us

The Value of the Golden Aged Among Us

Sarah bore Isaac when she was 90 years old. Moses led the Israelites out of bondage when he was 80. God cared for them, carried them, and used them! If you are nearing or are already in your golden years, don’t despair. You have much to offer to those behind you. You...

Pin It on Pinterest