Tell-Tale Signs Denial Is Sabotaging Your Spiritual Growth

by | Oct 6, 2017 | Man

Measurement is an absolute key to your success of getting control over what is controlling you. Measurement has an incredible therapeutic value of self-honesty. Now not everyone wants to be honest with themselves. It was really hard for me to accept this fact. As a counselor, I had the misconception early on that everyone who came for help wanted help. That wasn’t true at all. Some people just liked talking about getting help, not actually changing. I know that may sound crazy, but just ask any counselor or pastor and they will affirm this truth.

You see, when you are not measured, often you can fall prey to not being honest. I can hear some of you saying you can’t measure what’s on the inside.

That’s not true at all. You can measure your insides by your behavior. Jesus said, “If you love me, you keep my commandments.” If we love Jesus, we obey what he commands. If we don’t obey him, then we don’t perfectly love him and may love ourselves a little too much.

As we measure ourselves, we get not only the benefit of operating on fact and self-honesty, but we receive a third gift if we agree to be measured. That gift is the gift of knowing where we truly are in comparison to our stated goals.

Measurement removes all vagueness to your objectives of getting control over whatever is controlling you.

Measurement allows you to avoid the sand traps of fantasy, denial or, worse, verbal reality. How many of us had parents or friends who smoked? Fantasy allows you to totally live unaware of the reality you are in. Many people live in fantasy about their health, wealth, relationships, how they grew up, their sexual past and parenting.

Denial is different. Denial is you really do know the truth. For example, you are overweight, compulsive, angry and afraid but you just plain pretend it’s not true. “I’m not angry,” while you are yelling at a child or spouse. Denial is when you know you don’t have the money to pay the credit card, but you’re spending like you can. Denial knows the status. It just ignores the facts.

Verbal reality means if you say it, it is true, and if you say it with feeling, it’s really true. If a man tells his wife, “I love you,” it’s true, especially if he says it emotionally. Yet he won’t work, is disrespectful and is at times physically abusive and runs around on her with other women. He doesn’t love her: he is in verbal reality. He thinks because he says “I love you” that it is true, regardless of his behavior. Behavior is true, and it is not how you feel about it.

In reality, I know it can be hard, but when we are trying to get control over our lives, facts are our friends! They are measures of how we are doing. Facts are like those rails you drive your car into when you get your car washed. They keep you in the middle so the process can work.

Most of us don’t mind being measured when we know we have been successful. In your life, there are probably several areas where measurement would be awesome. We humans are like that, we all have areas where we shine stunningly and, if measured, it would just affirm we have that area in our life under control.

Take a moment and think of a behavior or two that has gotten control over you in your life.

Now you may have more than three behaviors that are controlling your life. I understand that this may be true for many. I would, however, caution you not to try to work on many behaviors at once. Actually some people find it much more successful to really attack one behavior at a time. You decide what your approach should be for you to get control over what is controlling you.

Remember not to believe your wishes or emotions but only your behavior. Behavior can be measured, and you can be much more likely to be successful if you measure. Measurement is an essential part of getting control over what is controlling you. {eoa}

Doug Weiss, Ph.D., is a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist. He is the executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, Colorado, and the author of several books, including Get a Grip. You may contact Dr. Weiss via his website, drdougweiss.com, by phone at 719-278-3708 or through email at heart2heart@xc.org

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

Anne Graham Lotz: One Kingdom Truth That Will Never Change

Anne Graham Lotz: One Kingdom Truth That Will Never Change

Out of respect for those of you who have taken the time to comment about a statement I made 11 years ago regarding the World Economic Forum, I thought it would be beneficial to restate God’s call on my life. In 1988, He made it clear that I was to be His messenger,...

Spirit-Filled Pastor: Only Pulpits Have the Power to Change America

Spirit-Filled Pastor: Only Pulpits Have the Power to Change America

One thing is crystal clear in America: If we truly want change, we must re-spark biblical boldness and flame the fires of biblical action. If we won't fight, then spiritually speaking, we will fade away. I recently attended a large gathering of pastors in San Diego...

A Big Excuse That Shuts Down Our Ability to Hear from God

A Big Excuse That Shuts Down Our Ability to Hear from God

One of the biggest excuses we have is that we somehow feel God doesn’t speak to us. This excuse shuts down our ability to hear from Him, trust Him and surrender to Him. All three things are integral when we are trying to change our habits, lose weight, get healthy and...

How Do You Leave a Church That Becomes Toxic?

How Do You Leave a Church That Becomes Toxic?

Two weeks ago, I shared several practical guidelines on how to leave a church gracefully. I wrote this because I hear so many stories about people storming out of churches because their feelings got hurt. But one astute reader didn’t appreciate my observations because...

Prophetic Word: There Will Be a Day of Reckoning

Prophetic Word: There Will Be a Day of Reckoning

“Behold, the day of the LORD comes, cruel, with both wrath and fierce anger, to lay the land desolate; and He will destroy its sinners from it. For the stars of heaven and their constellations will not give their light; the sun will be darkened in its going forth, and...

How You Can Plead the Blood of Jesus in the Courts of Heaven

How You Can Plead the Blood of Jesus in the Courts of Heaven

You have an enemy. His goal is to keep you from entering a covenant relationship with God. However, once you do, his goal changes. He wants to make you doubt your identity, doubt God’s ability and keep you from walking in your purpose. He changes his accusations...

Why God Will Sometimes Hesitate to Give Your Mountain

Why God Will Sometimes Hesitate to Give Your Mountain

Recently, I was having a discussion over coffee with a group of friends when one of them asked the question: “Can you believe how much the world has changed in what seems to be a very short time?” My answer was: “Yes. Yes, I have no problem believing how much the...

8 Reasons for You to Speak in Tongues

8 Reasons for You to Speak in Tongues

If a person were to ask, “Why speak in tongues?” couldn’t we also ask, “Why pray?” The Word of God shows a definite value in praying with an unknown tongue. Jesus tells us that “it is necessary always to pray” (Luke 18:1, MEV). Later, in speaking of prayer, Paul...

RECENT ARTICLES

What ‘The Jetsons’ and Cindy Jacobs Prophetically Got Right

Just as the 1960s cartoon The Jetsons depicted a future full of video phones, robotics and Google-style office space, some modern-day prophets have prophesied about a future full of exposing...
The Blueprints for Building a Powerful and Abundant Life for Jesus

The Blueprints for Building a Powerful and Abundant Life for Jesus

Have you ever seen blueprints? If not, blueprints are detailed drawings, containing specifications approved by the builder of a home. A blueprint fully outlines the quality of the materials needed to build a stable and trustworthy home. For a Christian, the Bible is...

9 Reasons Why God Never Tries to Prove His Existence

9 Reasons Why God Never Tries to Prove His Existence

God is self-authenticating. He never tries to prove His existence because it is already evident through the created order. Since He is the only objective being, all other living and nonliving objects emanate from His creative fiat word hence all reasoning (different...

Pin It on Pinterest

[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]