Subtle Ways Many Dads Unintentionally Disparage Their Daughters

by | Nov 3, 2017 | Man

Since last week was Halloween, it seems only fitting to share something that might be considered a treat.

First, a question: When you hear the word “boo,” what comes to mind?

I’m guessing that you’re picturing someone shouting that word while jumping out from a hiding place towards you. And if the attempt is successful, you probably had the bejeebers scared out of you when they did.

But instead of that specific reference point, I’m switching things up today (hence, the trick!).

When I hear the word “boo,” I immediately think of an audience in a sports arena loudly shouting that word to a referee when they disagree with a call. Can you envision that roaring sound as an entire crowd of strangers bonds over their shared opinion in response to a team they love?

In that context, the word “boo” expresses disagreement and intense displeasure, which basically lines up with Webster’s definition of it being a response marked by someone “showing disapproval or contempt.” This led me to look up the word “contempt,” which is described as “the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn.”

That said, I’m wondering if you as a dad are more readily inclined to shout a boo or a cheer.

If we’re being honest, we can all admit to having booed someone before. In those times, we can easily move into a one-up position that not only communicates disapproval but might come across as mockery of the other person’s decision or position. Of course, that isn’t typically our intention, but that’s how the other person could perceive it, especially daughters from their dads.

We as women are easily devastated with that kind of negative interaction, even if sometimes we’re the one who started it. That’s where you as a dad have to be the bigger person. I’m not sure why it is, but there’s something that becomes magnified inside us as girls when you give us a disapproving look, even if you don’t say anything. We have feelers on top of feelers, and we internalize your disapproval. Honestly, there’s nothing worse than knowing we’ve disappointed you. It’s not the same as if some stupid kid at school says it.

It’s as though we lose our footing if that viewpoint comes from someone we admire or elevate, especially you.

When it comes to our dads, it’s a devastating blow when you boo us. That’s when we start believing that we’re “less than” or worthless or deserving of your scorn because that’s what we hear you saying about us (even if you’re unaware that this is what’s being communicated). It’s then that we often stop trying because we think that we can’t please you anyway. Or we get hurt when you haven’t noticed how hard we’re trying because you only notice the things we aren’t doing (hence, the boo).

The weight of the relationship has everything to do with the impact of the opinion.

 So if you’re a dad who wants to ensure that you’re not booing your daughter, use these questions to reflect on how you interact with her:

  • Does your daughter hear your comments about her clothing only when you disapprove of the choices she’s made?
  • Does she know when you do approve of how she’s dressed because she hears you telling her that she’s beautiful in your eyes?
  • Do you readily make your opinion known when you don’t like the guy she’s interested in, or do you make sure she knows how proud you are of her when she chooses well, especially when it comes to guys? (You might have to dig deep on this one to find something worthy of your commendation.)
  • Do you let her know your disapproval when she doesn’t do her chores or follow the rules, but fail to celebrate when she does respond positively and do things right?
  • Do you come down hard on her when her grades start to slip but forget to applaud her when she hits it out of the ballpark on tests or gets her homework done?
  • Does your daughter get an earful when you disapprove of the way she interacts with her siblings, but rarely hears you notice all the times she works hard to get along with them?

Remember: Negativity breeds negativity, so if you want your daughter to grow and thrive, she needs to hear you cheering her on from the stands more than using that three-letter word.

So Dad, ask yourself if you’ve shouted more boos than cheers this week. Then give your daughter a Halloween treat by letting her know that you’re celebrating her with affirmation and encouragement…just because you love her.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

WATCH: Vlad Savchuck: Life, Health and the Bible

WATCH: Vlad Savchuck: Life, Health and the Bible

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZdzLoS3wCM During a recent visit to @HungryGeneration, Pastor Vlad Savchuk asked Bill Wiese to comment on his personal experience applying the Word of God to his own life and health. These same principals hold true for all who read and...

Miraculous Divine Intervention Birthed by Thanksgiving and Praise

Miraculous Divine Intervention Birthed by Thanksgiving and Praise

Read Time: 4 Minutes 2 Seconds When I first became a believer in 1970, my mother was one of my first “converts," giving her heart to Jesus as soon as I shared with her the beauty, the power and the opportunity of making Jesus the Lord of her life. However, my father...

I’m Going Defcon G on the Enemy

I’m Going Defcon G on the Enemy

Read Time: 1 Minute 32 Seconds The last six years have been the best of times and the worst of times. I’ve seen more death, destruction, disease and devastation than I care to remember. I’ve also seen the hand of God move in extraordinary ways. Indeed, sometimes I...

Prophetic Vision: ‘Now is the Time of Your Healing’

Prophetic Vision: ‘Now is the Time of Your Healing’

Read Time: 3 Minutes 41 Seconds I was remembering a time when my husband and I were praying over friends who had been in a situation for many years that had caused deep trauma to their souls. As we were praying for them, I became aware of an angel standing over them...

Victimized By Gaslighting? 5 Steps to Finding Freedom

Victimized By Gaslighting? 5 Steps to Finding Freedom

Read Time: 2 minutes 26 seconds The term "gaslighting" has gone viral across social media this year and Merriam-Webster chose it as their word-of-the-year, saying searches for the word spiked 1,740% in 2022 alone. We're breaking down what the Bible has to say about...

Learn How to Be Grateful From Those Who Have So Little

Learn How to Be Grateful From Those Who Have So Little

Read Time: 3 Minutes 18 Seconds Looking around my hometown of Los Angeles, my heart soars with gratitude. My home is safe, my bills are paid and I was fortunate to be able to serve my family an ample Thanksgiving meal. And yet, I am fully aware that hundreds of...

RECENT ARTICLES

5 Ways to Improve Your Emotional and Spiritual Health

Read Time: 4 Minutes 50 Seconds Do you believe the Lord is concerned about your emotional and spiritual health? He is. He wants you to know how to improve your emotional and spiritual health to be...
I Never Thought I’ve Have to Say This: Jesus Was Not Trans

I Never Thought I’ve Have to Say This: Jesus Was Not Trans

Read Time: 3 Minutes 27 Seconds You may have heard about the controversy that erupted in Cambridge, England, this past Sunday at Trinity College. The preacher, Joshua Heath, a junior research fellow who has a Ph.D. in theology, offered a sermon in which he suggested...

Prophetic Word: Goodness Is Following You, Turn and See

Prophetic Word: Goodness Is Following You, Turn and See

Read Time: 4 Minutes 48 Seconds At a recent gathering where a person was struggling, I heard and declared by the Spirit of the Lord, “Goodness is following you; turn and see. Embrace His goodness in this moment and watch the shift!” There was an immediate shift and...

Why Becoming Like God Requires Special Effort

Why Becoming Like God Requires Special Effort

Read Time: 2 Minutes 7 Seconds We can walk with God and come into unity with Him by clothing ourselves in His nature. This will require that we restrict and control the desires of the flesh by putting our focus on obtaining the very substance and characteristics of...

3 Reasons for Hope This Advent Season

3 Reasons for Hope This Advent Season

Read Time: 3 Minutes 6 Seconds I didn’t grow up celebrating Advent. When I was little, we put up a tree, got presents and had a Christmas Eve service. It seemed to me that most grown-ups were stressed over Christmas and thankful when it was all over. It wasn’t until...

How To Be Hilariously Happy in Your Giving

How To Be Hilariously Happy in Your Giving

Read Time: 4 Minutes 17 Seconds The day after Thanksgiving is culturally called Black Friday, in the U.S. It marks the beginning of retail sales that could ensure a successful and profitable Christmas-gift-buying season. Black Friday In decades past, book-keepers...

Pin It on Pinterest