Healthy, Christ-Centered Marriages Stand on These 4 Core Values

by | May 31, 2018 | Man

The fact that people don’t know how to do family well is one of the biggest causes of dysfunction in society today. I believe the restoration of family and marriages could truly change the world. The foundation of a healthy family is built on the culture and connection of the mother and father; the marriage.

I’ve been married to the woman of my dreams for 42 years, and we’ve been together for 47 years total. So today I want to share some core values for a healthy marriage. I pray this will strengthen your family or help you to work through trials if you’re going through a hard time in your own marriage.

Here are 4 foundational core values for marriage:

1) Be humble and put your spouse first. This may go without saying, but I think it’s still worth addressing. Marriage means you have come into a relationship to lay down your life for another person. In fact, marriage is a death march to a life camp. It’s choosing to die to yourself every day for the sake of loving another.

Philippians 2:3-4 puts it well: “Let nothing be done out of strife or conceit, but in humility let each esteem the other better than himself. Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” We look out for each other’s needs.

2) Regardless of trials, your spouse should be your closest friend, your greatest ally, your most bonded companion and your covenant partner for life. Something that gets in the way of this kind of bond is the fact that many people marry but never merge. The truth is that from the beginning of creation, God intended marriage to be two people becoming one. In fact, one person (Adam) became two people in the garden (Adam and Eve), so that two people could become one in marriage. Genesis 2:24 says, “therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

When trials come, it’s important that you stay connected, as one. Hard times can either bond you or break you depending on whether you cleave to each other or leave one another. Take the opportunity to grow closer to each other. Instead of disconnecting in the midst of a difficult season, make sure you’re communicating with your spouse, “I’m with you.”

3) “Fun” and “happy” are the fruit of good choices and not the goal of life itself. Therefore, we can’t rely on fun and happiness to produce love in our marriages. This in itself may not be fun to hear, but a great marriage will take hard work. Successful marriages don’t just happen. Instead, they’re the result of daily choices to love each other. Something I consider as a foundation of a great marriage is this practice: Do what you do “when you feel like it” whenever you really don’t feel like it. So, whatever you do for your spouse when you feel “lovey-dovey,” do that when you’re not in the mood.

This is what it looks like to have character and choose someone every day, instead of basing your commitment and covenant on your feelings. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Feelings are great servants but terrible masters. If we relegate our love for a spouse to our feelings, then we relegate our marriages to be thrown around by the winds of life. Love is not a feeling. It may connect and inspire feelings, but it’s not one in itself. Love is a covenant.

4) It’s not your spouse’s job to make you happy, because happiness is an inside job. The word “happy” is used around 80 times in the New Testament and not once does it have anything to do with marriage. This all being said, the greatest joys of my life have been found in marriage and my family! But joy and happiness are not the same things. Jesus promised us joy, which is based in Him and knowing what’s on the other side trials.

I also want to say that my greatest joys in marriage aren’t from the ways Kathy has given to me (and trust me, she’s the most giving woman I know), but rather from the ways that I’ve been able to love her. I often sit on my porch and watch her ride her horses (that I bought for her a few years ago), and I just cry. She runs and laughs with the horses, and when she comes back, she can’t wait to tell me all about them. I love to think I was able to do something for her that makes her come alive. There’s something powerful about engaging and loving people at their point of passion instead of your own; it’s truly beautiful to be able to love like this. My regret is that I didn’t do this earlier in our marriage.

Love Better Than You Have Before

Today I pray for a revelation of keys to a great marriage to be dropped in your spirit, and I release grace over you to love better than you ever have before. I encourage you to take a look at your heart and ask God to help reveal any ways that you could lay down your life for your spouse. It may not be easy, but I promise it’s worth it. Do you have other core values for your marriage? I’d love to hear about them in the comments! {eoa}

Kris Vallotton is the senior associate leader of Bethel Church in Redding, California, and cofounder of Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM). Kris travels internationally, training and equipping people to successfully fulfill their divine purpose. He’s a best-selling author, having written more than a dozen books and training manuals to help prepare believers for life in the kingdom. He has a diverse background in business, counseling, consulting, pastoring and teaching, which gives him unique leadership insights and perspectives. Kris has a passion to use his experience and his prophetic gift to assist world leaders in achieving their goals and accomplishing their mission.

This article originally appeared at krisvallotton.com.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

Intentionally Raising a Godly Generation

Intentionally Raising a Godly Generation

Debbie put her faith in Christ at age 11. In fact, her whole family met Jesus at just about the same time. As her parents began growing in their faith, they nurtured growth in their children as well. Family Bible reading, prayer and talking about God’s leading in...

Dream Big: How to Cultivate Divine Revelation While You Sleep

Dream Big: How to Cultivate Divine Revelation While You Sleep

Do you have any dreams from God that you have allowed to fall by the wayside? For some of you, it’s time to dream again. For some of you, it’s time to dust off your previous dreams. For some of you, it’s important to realize God is not late; He’s always on time. For...

Prophecy: God Is Bringing About Swift Turnarounds

Prophecy: God Is Bringing About Swift Turnarounds

In the month of August, God is bringing swift turnarounds so that your hard places will become a wide-open field. God is bringing about divine connections in order to strengthen the body of Christ. He is releasing faith for radical generosity, divine strategy to...

End-Times Truth: The Rapture Reveals a Split Church

End-Times Truth: The Rapture Reveals a Split Church

There are several resurrections and raptures in the Bible. I cannot understand those who argue that because there is no mention of the word "rapture" in the Bible they do not believe in it. They only believe in the Second Coming of the Lord. Some arguments are no...

Charisma Highlights: 7 Abilities for a New Agility in This Era

Charisma Highlights: 7 Abilities for a New Agility in This Era

Following are snippets of the top stories posted on charismamag.com over the past week. We encourage you to visit the links to read the stories in full. 7 Abilities for a New Agility in This Era The Lord first began speaking to me about the release of seven abilities...

As a Believer, Have You Been Hiding During This Culture War?

As a Believer, Have You Been Hiding During This Culture War?

Many years ago, Jesus went up on a mountain, sat down, and spoke to the group he was with: “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all...

10 Traits of Effective Churches During the Global Pandemic

10 Traits of Effective Churches During the Global Pandemic

In the past few years, the global pandemic has exposed the weaknesses of many local churches. Friends from around the world have told me that many churches have closed their doors for good. Although most churches have not returned to their pre-pandemic attendance...

The Supernatural Secrets of Real Revival

The Supernatural Secrets of Real Revival

What does an authentic world-igniting revival look like? And, how are the seeds of revival planted? This we can learn from the life and work of William Joseph Seymour—God’s chosen vessel and apostle of the Azusa Street Revival.  Bishop William Joseph Seymour, was a...

RECENT ARTICLES

Spiritually Speaking, How Healthy Is Your Heart?

Once a year, I go to the doctor and get a check-up. And every time, one of the things they do is check my heart. A good thorough exam will reveal if there are any problems that need to be addressed...
Prophetic Word: The Lord Says, ‘I Am Releasing My Firebrands’

Prophetic Word: The Lord Says, ‘I Am Releasing My Firebrands’

Recently while in worship, I was talking to the Lord when this prophetic flow began to come forth. I took out my phone and pressed record. This is the transcription of that word I received: "God, I see the firebrands rising up. God, I see the firebrands rising up. I...

How You Can Begin to Heal From Unanswered Prayer

How You Can Begin to Heal From Unanswered Prayer

The best way to grow in the prophetic is to look at the past. As backwards as that sounds, Revelation 19:10 tells us, “For the testimony of Jesus is the Spirit of Prophecy.” In other translations, this is said, “For the essence of prophecy is to give a clear witness...

Living in the Tension of Two Distinct Worlds

Living in the Tension of Two Distinct Worlds

As a professional counselor, I have consoled hundreds of Christians through some of the most horrific life circumstances. Along with experiencing my own trials in life, it has caused me to deeply ponder the words of Scripture that refer to how we must learn to live in...

Kingdom Economics: Who Do You Trust?

Kingdom Economics: Who Do You Trust?

The Bureau of Economic Analysis (BEA) released its first of three estimates for second quarter Gross Domestic Product (GDP). Second-quarter inflation-adjusted (real) GDP fell at an annual rate of 0.9%, compared to a drop of 1.6% in the first quarter, and pre-report...

Jesus is My Friend, Not Sugar

Jesus is My Friend, Not Sugar

It’s been at least 10 years since I’ve had cake for my birthday, which I celebrated recently. Strawberries with nuts are my favorite treats today. That was definitely not my choice in years past until I made some monumental decisions in about 2009. Not eating sugar...

Pin It on Pinterest

[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]