In the heat of the moment we often don’t think clearly and react poorly. My worst marital offense of this occurred many years ago.
My wife and I had been out with friends and started arguing in the car on the way home. It spilled over into the house as I continued to lose control of my anger. My wife is difficult to rile but I kept on until I got her there. She eventually informed me that I would be sleeping away from home that night.
On my way out the door to sleep in our van, I noticed my oldest daughter had been on the couch the entire time witnessing everything. My heart sank. I was mortified, and nothing can take back that moment. I never made that mistake again.
What are some of the most common mistakes husbands make in the heat of the moment? Here’s a list of typical mistakes and how we can correct them:
1. Saying hurtful things – You’re angry and you want to inflict damage. You know where the weak spots are. Your good conscience is telling you not to say it because it’s fighting dirty and you don’t really mean it. But you say it anyway. Huge mistake. What was once just an argument that would blow over has now become something deeper that will stay with her, possibly forever. Listen to your conscience. Think about what you say.
2. Emphasis on winning – We are competitive. We like to win even when it’s not to our benefit to do so. Getting our way at all costs should never be a primary goal. The goal is what is best for our family and a good marriage. Swallowing pride is not an easy thing, but pride goes before the fall, and placing an emphasis on winning rather than the relationship will bring a fall every time.
3. Being too sensitive – I’m a sensitive guy. Wish I wasn’t, but I surely am. My feelings can get hurt and I’ll make dumb decisions because of it. Develop ways to cope with bruised or hurt feelings in a healthy and productive way. Take a time out, assume best intentions and try to see things objectively rather than personally. Sometimes it’s as simple as going out to the garage and pounding it out on a project or two and you’ll feel better.
4. Choosing what feels good over what’s right –You’ve promised her you will take care of a list of projects on Saturday morning. On Friday, your buddies have a last minute opening as a 4th to play golf at the same time. What does a husband do here? You love golf. You don’t love cleaning out nasty gutters. Easy choice right? Wrong. Family first. Wife first. Promises are to be kept. Besides, if your buddies really wanted you to begin with, it would already be on your schedule. Never sell out your wife.
5. Giving into temptations – Each day temptations are going to present themselves. Those glancing looks, special smiles, private messages. Danger, danger, danger. Train yourself to always see the big picture when dealing with seemingly small temptations. Those small things often lead to large disasters. When your mind and heart begin to want, cut it off early. The big picture is your family and the life you’re building.
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