4 Questions to Help Husbands Deal With Their In-Laws

by | Dec 16, 2015 | Man

Your mother-in-law is on the phone asking if she can visit. She sounds excited, but you feel sick even thinking about it.

You get a bad vibe from one of the uncles on her side of the family, and you don’t like how he talks to your kids. Every time you get together with your wife’s family, you notice that nobody says anything real. It’s just surface or sarcastic or passive-aggressive, and you’re tired of it.

Does any of this sound familiar? The old joke is that you didn’t just marry your wife; you married her whole family. And family dynamics, particularly when dealing with the in-laws, can get complicated in a hurry. How do you know when to speak or what to say? When to say, “Yes,” to a visit and when to say, “Not this time?”

No answer is going to fit every family and every situation. For example, there is a big difference between interacting with in-laws who are annoying but harmless and those who are abusive or dangerous.

Consequently, different circumstances require different choices.

Here are four questions—in order of priority—to help you think it through. Balance these elements, and you’ll be on your way to a better discussion and better decisions.

1. What serves your wife? At All Pro Dad, we have made the point that your wife comes first. Good husbanding is about loving and serving your wife. So what serves her best as you think about her parents? Does she need protection or distance from an abusive father? Does she long for closer connection with her mom? Does she flourish when she’s back home for the holidays? Rather than thinking about your own interests and agenda first, what serves your wife’s needs and desires the best?

2. What serves your family? Next, consider your family unit: your wife, your marriage and your kids. Wise husbands know they have spheres of responsibility that spread outward. Do your kids prosper around their grandparents? Is there something unique happening in the life of your family that means it is best not to have more stress in your household for a season? When answering this question, it is critical that husbands not make unilateral decisions that will leave their wife behind, nursing hurt or alienated feelings. Instead, have an open discussion together that balances your competing priorities.

3. What serves your in-laws? Wise husbands also consider the needs of their in-laws. Is what you want to say for their benefit or is it just to vent your frustration? Have you considered the ways your family might be able to bless them with access to your household? Are there ways your wife legitimately needs to care for the needs of her aging parents? If you have kids of your own, one day you are likely to be the in-law parents. How would you like to be treated when the time comes? Go and do likewise.

4. What serves your needs? You are an important part of your family. Self-sacrifice is important, but so is self-care. Some husbands are overly domineering, but some don’t speak up enough. Is it hugely draining for you to be around your in-laws? Have you spent every vacation for the last 10 years with her family, and now it’s time to try something different? Are you trying to encourage a healthy relationship that moves beyond familiar passive-aggressive dynamics? Choose your words with care and love, and then speak. It’s a vital part of caring for yourself and your family.

The answers to each of these questions are important. Every family and every decision will require different balance. But answering these questions in order can help you navigate your priorities.

When was a time you wished you handled things different with your in-laws? {eoa}

For the original article, visit allprodad.com.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

How Prophetic Evangelism Is Impacting Change in Today’s Culture

How Prophetic Evangelism Is Impacting Change in Today’s Culture

Dr. Candice Smithyman, host of Manifest His Presence on the Charisma Podcast Network, recently interviewed apostle Stacey Campbell, founder of Shiloh Global about how prophecy can impact today’s culture. Apostle Campbell is passionate about teaching young people and...

Joyce Meyer’s Daughter: ‘I Tried Until I Almost Died!’

Joyce Meyer’s Daughter: ‘I Tried Until I Almost Died!’

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc14ip0XyOw Growing up as the daughter of Dave and Joyce Meyer, Sandra McCollom knew about God’s goodness and unconditional love. “At eight years old, I remember sitting on the floor as my mom shared her faith with me. That’s when I...

Prophet: 10 Essential Guardrails for Hearing God’s Voice

Prophet: 10 Essential Guardrails for Hearing God’s Voice

In the journey of hearing God's voice today effectively and accurately, you need the practical and personal work of the Holy Spirit. Jesus clearly told his followers that those who hear His words and put them into practice are wise! "Whoever hears these sayings of...

Prophetic Vision: Three Tables Are Set

Prophetic Vision: Three Tables Are Set

Recently as I was worshipping the Lord, I went into a vision where I could see I was in a dark and very deep valley. It was nighttime, and the valley was surrounded by tall mountains. On the top of each I could see the outlines of men and instinctively knew they were...

How Your Apostolic and Prophetic Worship Will Hurt the Enemy

How Your Apostolic and Prophetic Worship Will Hurt the Enemy

We are living in a time where it seems that dreams and visions are accelerating. The enemy fights against prophetic insight being poured out according to Joel 2:28-32. Numerous deliverance ministries have risen up to combat the ‘Pandora's box’ that was released in...

Is He a God of Wrath or a God of Love?

Is He a God of Wrath or a God of Love?

Do you think the God of the Old Testament is a God of wrath, and the God of the New Testament is a God of love? The truth is that God is the same throughout the entire Bible. His wrath and His love are revealed in both the Old and the New Testaments. So why, then, did...

How You Can Have a Perfect Heart

How You Can Have a Perfect Heart

Your heart is the most important part of you. It’s not only a physical organ that keeps your blood pumping, but when the Bible refers to the heart, it’s talking about who you really are. Each person has an inner and an outer life. There’s the person we show to...

RECENT ARTICLES

Cindy Jacobs Prophesies: The Lord Says, ‘Am I Not the Mender of Broken Hearts?’

I was just praying and asking the Lord, “How can I encourage you all today?” I know there are so many challenges out there, but this is what the Lord said to me. The Lord said, “There are some...
How the FBI Raid on Mar-a-Lago Is Spiritual Warfare

How the FBI Raid on Mar-a-Lago Is Spiritual Warfare

It's been a few days since the FBI raided President Donald Trump's home in Mar-a-Lago, and the Biden Administration has yet to explain to the American people why they did what's never been done in American history—the government raiding the home of a former president....

Why Partial Obedience to God is Disobedience

Why Partial Obedience to God is Disobedience

My husband had a saying for our children growing up. “Partial obedience is disobedience.” He wanted them to understand that doing half the plan would not get them the full reward. Another reminder we used to tell our kids was, “Don’t think about it, don’t hesitate,...

Pin It on Pinterest

[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]