3 Passive Actions That Are Killing Marriages

by | Aug 18, 2014 | Man

“The heart of a man needs to be engaged; it needs to feel like it belongs and is understood.”

Husbands are losing their marriages because they won’t communicate. Wives are losing their marriages because they won’t let their husbands communicate.

It’s a vicious cycle that is killing marriages every day. It’s part of a cycle that is creating passive and rejected men.

I’ve seen it first hand in multiple couples. Put them in a group of people and they’ll talk a good talk, but put them in a room together, and the communication train derails almost immediately. He doesn’t want to say anything to offend her, and she is waiting for him to say the wrong thing.

What happens next? He disengages and resorts to one of the following methods of passivity:

1. Sarcasm. Sarcasm used to be my second language. I would use it often as a way to get out of tough communication situations. I would use it just so I would have something to say in a conversation I wasn’t comfortable in. It became one of the reasons for my near divorce early in marriage.

Sarcasm is typically an over-exaggeration of a comment or circumstance. It’s a defensive method used to dodge the truth or accuse the other person, typically your wife. It can even come across as a joke. This is especially harmful in group situations. In order for a husband to feel better about himself and his personal issues, he may choose to make jokes about his wife to the other people around him. This builds him up and tears her down.

No marriage will last if sarcasm is one of the leading means of communication.

A great marriage will stay clear of sarcasm and seek to engage in meaningful discussions.

2. Silence. A silent man is a man causing a slow death to his marriage. Silence becomes the answer to a man’s problem when he can’t share his heart with his wife and be accepted. In other words, he can’t freely share the issues on his heart without being torn down or disrespected by his wife.

How many times does it take for him to disengage? Not very many at all. In my personal experience in early marriage, it only took a few times for me to realize that it was easier to not tell my wife what was wrong than to actually tell her. The main reason this becomes an issue is because the wife thinks his issue is more about her than it is about him. Wives, please understand that if your husband has something to get off his heart, he needs you to listen and understand. You want him to be able to come to you.

No marriage will survive long with a silent husband.

A great marriage will allow for open and honest communication from both spouses.

3. Avoidance. Men who avoid interacting in their marriage are doing it for a reason. From long work hours to extra time spent with their friends, he is tired of spending time with his wife and will find any means to be away. These husbands need to rarely worry about sarcasm or silence, because they are always away.

Avoidance can be caused in many ways. I know men who work hard all day and then come home only to be drilled with things to do and a stressed wife. The mindset soon sets in that his hard work is not appreciated, and he can find appreciation elsewhere. This, of course, is one of the most dangerous forms of passivity in a marriage. Appreciation could be found by going to the local hangout, climbing the corporate ladder, or seeking respect from another woman.

No marriage will last when avoidance is the main goal.

A great marriage involves two people working and communicating together side by side. It involves trust.

How can you avoid becoming a passive husband and build a strong marriage? These two steps are not easy, but they are musts if you seek resolution:

First, if you fall into one of the three categories listed above, you need to invite Jesus into that situation. Get over your whole macho, “I’m a man, I don’t need Jesus” delusion and honestly ask Jesus to enter that part of your life. Ask Him how to resolve your issue and how you can speak to your wife about it.

Second, after praying for some time, set a time to speak with your wife about the situation. Let her know that you’ve been honestly praying for some time about the issue and would like to discuss it with her. Lay out what you’ve been praying about and what’s on your heart. Allow for some back and forth and then pray together at the end. Invite God into that situation, or situations if she adds her side of the story, and work on it each day from that time forward.

It’s worth it, and you can do it.

Are you being passive in your marriage? Share your struggles in the comments section so that others can help. What are some ways you fight being a passive husband?

Manturity is a blog built on establishing spiritual maturity in today’s man. The goal is to assist men in building better marriages and help them grow in maturity and explore different aspects of manhood. Manturity.com features new weekly blog posts, daily social-media updates and a powerful resources page. Stay up to date with the Manturity blog communities on Facebook and Twitter.

For the original article, visit manturity.com.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

Is He a God of Wrath or a God of Love?

Is He a God of Wrath or a God of Love?

Do you think the God of the Old Testament is a God of wrath, and the God of the New Testament is a God of love? The truth is that God is the same throughout the entire Bible. His wrath and His love are revealed in both the Old and the New Testaments. So why, then, did...

How You Can Have a Perfect Heart

How You Can Have a Perfect Heart

Your heart is the most important part of you. It’s not only a physical organ that keeps your blood pumping, but when the Bible refers to the heart, it’s talking about who you really are. Each person has an inner and an outer life. There’s the person we show to...

How the FBI Raid on Mar-a-Lago Is Spiritual Warfare

How the FBI Raid on Mar-a-Lago Is Spiritual Warfare

It's been a few days since the FBI raided President Donald Trump's home in Mar-a-Lago, and the Biden Administration has yet to explain to the American people why they did what's never been done in American history—the government raiding the home of a former president....

How the Holy Spirit Can Restore Your True Sanity

How the Holy Spirit Can Restore Your True Sanity

Most of my life I tried to avoid one thing—being crazy or insane. When I was growing up my mother had emotional issues and saw a psychiatrist regularly. She was on medication which only seemed to make her mood swings worse. She had high highs, and low lows. When I...

Israel Prophecy: The Enemy is Stirring an Unimaginable Conflict

Israel Prophecy: The Enemy is Stirring an Unimaginable Conflict

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJFFqAgykmU A cease-fire between Israel and Palestinian militants took effect late Sunday in a bid to end nearly three days of violence that killed dozens of Palestinians and disrupted the lives of hundreds of thousands of Israelis,...

Why Partial Obedience to God is Disobedience

Why Partial Obedience to God is Disobedience

My husband had a saying for our children growing up. “Partial obedience is disobedience.” He wanted them to understand that doing half the plan would not get them the full reward. Another reminder we used to tell our kids was, “Don’t think about it, don’t hesitate,...

RECENT ARTICLES

Kingdom Economics: Why is America Declining Spiritually So Quickly?

The Bureau of Labor Statistics released a surprisingly strong July Employment Report.  Total nonfarm employment was 528K (398K previously, 250K expected).  Private nonfarm employment was 471K (404K...
Can You Discern Spiritual Wind?

Can You Discern Spiritual Wind?

The wind is a funny thing. We do not know where it comes from nor where it goes. We cannot see it, but we can see and feel its effects. Wind can be gentle and refreshing, cold or hot, strong, and dangerous, and everything in between. When the wind blows, we must...

Messianic Rabbi: He That Has an Eye, Let Him Hear

Messianic Rabbi: He That Has an Eye, Let Him Hear

It is interesting that, as a Messianic rabbi the question I am asked most often by Christians is if I believe that they as Christians have to celebrate, or observe, the biblical Holy Days. They are usually asking about those days listed in Leviticus 23: Shabbat, Yom...

How the Holy Spirit Is Preparing America

How the Holy Spirit Is Preparing America

As the crackdown against Christianity in America grows, it is a cycle believers have seen before. While no one celebrates their religious freedom coming under attack, God has used this persecution to great effect throughout history. Over the centuries, there have been...

Dealing Effectively with the Dynamics of Change

Dealing Effectively with the Dynamics of Change

Change can be challenging. Some people look forward to change and embrace it. Some people dread change and try to avoid it. Since change is inevitable, so here are some of the dynamics surrounding change and the specific strategies to deal with change more...

God’s Holy Interruption Is Coming Soon

God’s Holy Interruption Is Coming Soon

This past weekend I preached at The Roads Church, a charismatic congregation located in the tiny town of Norris City, Illinois. Located amid cornfields, the population is only 1,325, but almost that many people visit the church on weekends. They come from all over...

Pin It on Pinterest

[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]