10 Sure Steps to Resolve Family Feuds

by | May 1, 2018 | Man

World magazine reports, “Few family feuds could have implications more dire than the dispute between two elderly Mexican brothers believed to be the last two native speakers of the ancient Zoque language. Mexican linguists say if the two 70-year-old brothers don’t bury the hatchet soon and talk to each other, the pre-Columbian indigenous language could become lost forever. As one last desperate measure, linguists studying the Zoque language plan on recording the two men telling stories separately.”

It’s terrible to lose an ancient language. It’s worse to lose a family relationship. All of us have had or will have a falling-out with family, and it’s important to resolve that feud, at least on our end, as quickly as possible. Here are 10 steps to resolve family feuds.

1. Listen twice as much as you talk.

God gave us two ears and only one mouth for a reason. Listening says, “I respect you.” Listening means you are not imposing your viewpoint on others. Listening reduces tension. Family communication is dead in the water without it.

2. Bring the parties together and create a covenant.

If you can possibly sit down together and talk, then do so. Don’t pretend there’s no problem, and don’t expect an instant compromise, but instead work out an agreement that you can sign in ink rather than carve out in blood. A covenant should:

  • Declare the intention of reconciliation.
  • Outline expectations.
  • Define what is acceptable.
  • Always move at least a step or two forward.
  • Include a time to get back together.

3. Begin with a simple “cessation of hostilities.”

Sometimes it’s enough to promise to back down. Sometimes all anyone can do is to walk away. If that’s all either of you can do, then that’s a great start. The next time you meet you can agree to take another step forward. Reconciliation is seldom all or nothing. Because, given that kind of choice, most people opt for nothing.

4. Remember the only person you can control is you.

Avoid catering to anyone’s need to be “right” (including yours). The only person you can change or control is you. That means owning the responsibility to do the right thing—unilaterally if necessary. If the conflict is between two other family members, then tell both sides of the conflict the same thing, namely: “The only behavior you are responsible for is your own.”

5. Take the stance of a servant.

This is another opportunity for servant leadership, and it’s a posture that teaches children and other family members by example. Serve the family member you’re upset with, bring them a cup of hot tea or a glass of cold lemonade. Set the trajectory toward love in action. Jesus put it this way, “But don’t act like them. If you want to be great, you must be the servant of all the others” (Matt. 20:26).

6. Turn it over to God.

Some things are beyond our capacity to fix. That doesn’t have to be the end of hope. Prayer is always an option. Taking time to acknowledge our personal inadequacy and our need for divine help can tip the balance in favor or hope.

7. Appoint an arbitrator.

If the people who are at each other’s throats are your children or other family members, the arbitrator might be you. If you’re embroiled in the conflict personally, ask everyone’s favorite relative.

8. Talk directly to the parties involved.

This is true when the conflict involves you and when it’s between other family members. Never act or advise based on second-hand information.

9. Always be the first to apologize.

This is true even if you’re not the only one who’s wrong. Set the standard that says, “I value peace, and I’m sometimes willing to sacrifice my need to be right for it.” Being right is not always the most important in the great scheme of things.

10. Never take sides.

When you observe a conflict, always be on the side of reconciliation. Taking sides ramps up defensiveness and promotes a win-lose scenario that quickly turns to lose-lose.

How do you best resolve family conflict? {eoa}

This article originally appeared at allprodad.com.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

Will the New Set of Seven Years on the Jewish Calendar Be Our Last?

Will the New Set of Seven Years on the Jewish Calendar Be Our Last?

Note: This is the second of a two-part series. For part one, click here. Beginning at sunset on Sunday, Sept. 25, our Jewish friends (and increasingly many Christians) will begin a two-day celebration of Rosh Hashanah, their time for new beginnings or a "new year."...

Is America Preparing the Way for a One-World Ruler?

Is America Preparing the Way for a One-World Ruler?

The culmination of history is approaching. The end of the world may be at hand. Yet Jesus tells us we should not be alarmed. Why? Because we are engraved in the palms of His hands. Because we are carried in His arms. Because we are the apple of His eye. The time is...

A ‘Davidic Anointing’ is Descending Upon Musical Instruments

A ‘Davidic Anointing’ is Descending Upon Musical Instruments

I once heard a testimony where the Holy Ghost was falling upon the people during worship. The preacher, R.W. Schambach, testified how the piano player got so filled with the Spirit that she fell off of the piano bench and the piano kept right on playing. No other...

Joyce Meyer: How You Can Make God’s Love Your Lifestyle

Joyce Meyer: How You Can Make God’s Love Your Lifestyle

I have made it a priority to study about love in the Word of God. Getting a revelation about how much God loves me and learning to receive His love has been life-changing for me. It’s been the key to being able to really enjoy my life because when I received God’s...

Mario Murillo: What God is Saying About America’s Destruction

Mario Murillo: What God is Saying About America’s Destruction

Many prophetic words released today shout one of these two headlines: America Is Past Hope and Will Be Destroyed America Is Favored and Will Never Be Destroyed Facebook oozes with voices claiming to be prophets or mouthpieces for God. The internet teems with...

How The Christian Community Can Change American Politics for Good

How The Christian Community Can Change American Politics for Good

A fascinating discovery has taken place recently in the state of California. Locals there attest that the wildfires that have ravaged the landscape, lives and livelihoods of residents for a decade don’t seem to be getting any better. They seem to be getting worse,...

RECENT ARTICLES

Former Atheist: How the Deconstruction of Your Christian Faith Can Actually Strengthen It

Best-selling author Lee Strobel, an atheist and investigative journalist who failed to disprove the resurrection of Jesus during two years of digging for evidence, believes Christians who properly...
Rod Parsley: Are You the Pharisee or the Tax Collector?

Rod Parsley: Are You the Pharisee or the Tax Collector?

As with all virtues, humility has an opposite: pride. It should not surprise us that revival and restoration begins with humility, because all “falling away” begins with pride. Pride sent the archangel Lucifer plummeting from the heights of glorious splendor near the...

What to Do with an Urgent Warning from the Lord

What to Do with an Urgent Warning from the Lord

Many people are receiving urgent warnings from the Lord about things taking place in the earth. Releasing those warnings can be difficult. Done the wrong way, people will turn a deaf ear and the last thing you want to do is breed fear. Maybe you aren't getting...

Prophetic Word: ‘You Will Taste the Rain of Heaven’

Prophetic Word: ‘You Will Taste the Rain of Heaven’

Get ready for a supernatural strength to take over the land. It is time for worldwide revival and for you to reclaim what God has promised. Don’t back down and give in to despair. God’s plan is in motion. I heard the Lord say, “The enemy has brought discouragement and...

Mario Murillo: The Fuse to a National Awakening

Mario Murillo: The Fuse to a National Awakening

A lot of churchgoers yearn for soothing sermons. Meanwhile, a growing company seeks to understand authority, brokenness and Resurrection life. Who are these “others” who have their eyes wide open? They are too loud for most. They pray longer and deeper than what is...

The Value of the Golden Aged Among Us

The Value of the Golden Aged Among Us

Sarah bore Isaac when she was 90 years old. Moses led the Israelites out of bondage when he was 80. God cared for them, carried them, and used them! If you are nearing or are already in your golden years, don’t despair. You have much to offer to those behind you. You...

Pin It on Pinterest