God’s Communication Tools

by | Mar 15, 2010 | Spirit-Led Living

As a Christian counselor I have listened
to many married couples express feelings of frustration and hurt because of
their inability to effectively communicate with one another. Studies prove that
communication breakdown is a major source of conflict, one that can eventually
lead to other problems in the marriage, such as a lack of intimacy and divorce.
Statistics prove the truth of what the Bible says in Proverbs 18:21: “The tongue
has the power of life and death” (NIV).

However, there is a remedy. Many of the
struggles married couples face, in fact, can be avoided with the use of some
simple communication tools. Learning to use these tools to express ourselves in
more effective ways fosters better understanding, which results in greater
emotional intimacy.

One tool couples can use to help ensure
clear communication is “reflective listening.” With this method, the partner
being spoken to (listener) repeats the message he received back to the one
speaking (sender). The sender then has the opportunity to restate her thoughts
until she is assured the message was received correctly by the
listener.

Another
tool that contributes to understanding is using language that makes a definite
distinction between what we THINK and what we FEEL. If you begin a
sentence with an “I feel” message, be sure to complete the sentence with the
emotion you are experiencing and not with what you think. For example, say “I
feel disappointed,” not “I feel as if my husband doesn’t want to talk to me.”
Beginning a sentence with a feeling helps to validate your emotions, speak the
condition of your heart and increase the likelihood that the receiver will grasp
what you are saying.

A communication tool called the “I
message” tells the receiver what you think about a situation without attacking
him personally. For example, saying “I think we should consider making a budget”
is less potentially volatile than “You spend too much money; we need a budget.”
The “I message” reduces the potential for the receiver to become defensive and
helps to circumvent an argument. If your husband is avoiding talking to you
because your discussions turn into arguments (see Prov. 21:9 and 19:13), you may
find this tool extremely helpful.

Some couple’s communication issues are
not with WHAT is said but with HOW the words are expressed. The largest part of
communication—93 percent—is comprised of our voice tone and body language. This
aspect is called style.

The Bible speaks about communication
style in both the Old and the New Testaments, giving us an example in Song of
Songs of how two lovers ought to relate, and telling us in Ephesians 4:15 that
the mature believer is one who has learned to speak the truth “in love.” In
Songs, the Lover says to His Beloved, “Show me your face. Let me hear your
voice. Your VOICE is SWEET and your FACE is LOVELY” (2:14, emphasis added).
Obviously, the woman referred to in this verse had the right style!

What does your voice sound like
when you speak to your husband? Is it sweet or harsh? What does your face look
like when you are communicating with him? Is it lovely, or are you scowling? Do
you look into his eyes when he speaks, or are you busy with another
activity?

If you
desire to not only get through to your husband when you are speaking to him but
also experience the kind of intimacy described in Song of Songs, stop allowing
your method of communication to get in the way. Start today to put into practice
some or all of these proven techniques. Learn to say what you mean—in love—with
a sweet voice, a lovely face and a sincere desire to connect with
him.

And don’t
reserve these techniques for only your spouse. They are equally as effective
with children, friends, co-workers and anyone else you relate to. All of us can
stand to improve our method of communicating with others, and as we do, we can
look forward to the rewards of speaking life and growing in unity with the rest
of the body of Christ.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

Will the New Set of Seven Years on the Jewish Calendar Be Our Last?

Will the New Set of Seven Years on the Jewish Calendar Be Our Last?

Note: This is the second of a two-part series. For part one, click here. Beginning at sunset on Sunday, Sept. 25, our Jewish friends (and increasingly many Christians) will begin a two-day celebration of Rosh Hashanah, their time for new beginnings or a "new year."...

Is America Preparing the Way for a One-World Ruler?

Is America Preparing the Way for a One-World Ruler?

The culmination of history is approaching. The end of the world may be at hand. Yet Jesus tells us we should not be alarmed. Why? Because we are engraved in the palms of His hands. Because we are carried in His arms. Because we are the apple of His eye. The time is...

A ‘Davidic Anointing’ is Descending Upon Musical Instruments

A ‘Davidic Anointing’ is Descending Upon Musical Instruments

I once heard a testimony where the Holy Ghost was falling upon the people during worship. The preacher, R.W. Schambach, testified how the piano player got so filled with the Spirit that she fell off of the piano bench and the piano kept right on playing. No other...

Joyce Meyer: How You Can Make God’s Love Your Lifestyle

Joyce Meyer: How You Can Make God’s Love Your Lifestyle

I have made it a priority to study about love in the Word of God. Getting a revelation about how much God loves me and learning to receive His love has been life-changing for me. It’s been the key to being able to really enjoy my life because when I received God’s...

Mario Murillo: What God is Saying About America’s Destruction

Mario Murillo: What God is Saying About America’s Destruction

Many prophetic words released today shout one of these two headlines: America Is Past Hope and Will Be Destroyed America Is Favored and Will Never Be Destroyed Facebook oozes with voices claiming to be prophets or mouthpieces for God. The internet teems with...

How The Christian Community Can Change American Politics for Good

How The Christian Community Can Change American Politics for Good

A fascinating discovery has taken place recently in the state of California. Locals there attest that the wildfires that have ravaged the landscape, lives and livelihoods of residents for a decade don’t seem to be getting any better. They seem to be getting worse,...

RECENT ARTICLES

Former Atheist: How the Deconstruction of Your Christian Faith Can Actually Strengthen It

Best-selling author Lee Strobel, an atheist and investigative journalist who failed to disprove the resurrection of Jesus during two years of digging for evidence, believes Christians who properly...
Rod Parsley: Are You the Pharisee or the Tax Collector?

Rod Parsley: Are You the Pharisee or the Tax Collector?

As with all virtues, humility has an opposite: pride. It should not surprise us that revival and restoration begins with humility, because all “falling away” begins with pride. Pride sent the archangel Lucifer plummeting from the heights of glorious splendor near the...

What to Do with an Urgent Warning from the Lord

What to Do with an Urgent Warning from the Lord

Many people are receiving urgent warnings from the Lord about things taking place in the earth. Releasing those warnings can be difficult. Done the wrong way, people will turn a deaf ear and the last thing you want to do is breed fear. Maybe you aren't getting...

Prophetic Word: ‘You Will Taste the Rain of Heaven’

Prophetic Word: ‘You Will Taste the Rain of Heaven’

Get ready for a supernatural strength to take over the land. It is time for worldwide revival and for you to reclaim what God has promised. Don’t back down and give in to despair. God’s plan is in motion. I heard the Lord say, “The enemy has brought discouragement and...

Mario Murillo: The Fuse to a National Awakening

Mario Murillo: The Fuse to a National Awakening

A lot of churchgoers yearn for soothing sermons. Meanwhile, a growing company seeks to understand authority, brokenness and Resurrection life. Who are these “others” who have their eyes wide open? They are too loud for most. They pray longer and deeper than what is...

The Value of the Golden Aged Among Us

The Value of the Golden Aged Among Us

Sarah bore Isaac when she was 90 years old. Moses led the Israelites out of bondage when he was 80. God cared for them, carried them, and used them! If you are nearing or are already in your golden years, don’t despair. You have much to offer to those behind you. You...

Pin It on Pinterest