What to Do When You Find Out Your Friend Is Cheating on His Wife

by | May 18, 2017 | Men

I couldn’t believe my ears. My friend Jake had been married for over a decade with four young children. He was someone I admired as a dad, but even moreso as a husband. Now around their twelfth anniversary, he was complaining to me about his marriage. The more he went on, the more unbelievable it seemed. He discussed their lack of compatibility, lack of intimacy and even how he wasn’t sure he ever actually loved her. Then he took it one step further, saying that he thought his kids would be more happy with parents who were with a person they each actually loved. It made no sense until he finally revealed he had started a relationship with another woman.

Once it became clear he was cheating, I was faced with the dilemma of what to do about it. It’s tough to know exactly how to respond, but the worst possible thing to do is nothing. As a friend, particularly as one who was a witness when they got married, it is our responsibility to do everything in our power to encourage and strengthen their marital vows. If you have cheating friends, this is what to do about it.

Encourage Him To Talk

You are there to help, not condemn. While it might feel natural to judge and be angry, it’s important to remember that all of us are capable of anything. Believing we are above committing this type of betrayal is not only unwise, it’s dangerous. Before you start talking, do a lot of listening. Ask questions with gentleness that will help reveal what led him down this road. Find out about his marriage in particular. He needs a friend to walk with him.

Confront the Problem

It’s important to be persistent and firm here, perhaps even confrontational. We have a way of minimizing or justifying the effects of the hurtful things we do. When we justify our actions, we weaken the conscience. What used to be clearly wrong no longer feels that way. Changing bad behavior with a dulled conscience becomes a difficult task. Don’t let him shift blame or minimize what he has done. Whether it is an emotional affair or it has turned physical, it is a betrayal of his wife, his kids and even his community. It’s not your job to convict, but it is your job to present a clear picture of the reality of what has been done.

He Needs to Cut It Off

He needs to turn back from the direction he has been going. That starts with cutting off the relationship, which means no contact with the other person. Stopping the affair isn’t enough. If it happens to be someone he works with, it is more complicated, but I would suggest he look for a new job. If he refuses to stop his affair, more drastic measures will need to be taken, such as involving another one of his trusted friends or someone close he admires.

Encourage Him to Confess

This is the most difficult part. A marriage will never be healthy when spouses keep secrets from one another. What’s done in the dark has to be brought into the light so it can be dealt with. Otherwise, he will continue to live a lie, a lie that cracks the foundation of his family. He may resist, but I can say this for me and you may disagree. I would tell him he had two weeks to tell his wife or I’d tell her myself. If I don’t, I become a co-conspirator in his affair and every time I saw his wife and family I’d be lying too. If he is not going to be an advocate for his family, then someone needs to be.

Encourage Him to Pursue Rehabilitation and Reconciliation

Everything will be incredibly painful after the confession. I would highly recommend he and his wife go to counseling. If she refuses, he should go by himself to talk about his brokenness with someone wise. He needs to work towards rebuilding trust. It is possible to survive and rebuild a marriage after an affair. However, it takes effort, faithfulness, commitment, humility, openness and a desire by both spouses to forgive and make it right. Keep encouraging both spouses to fight for each other and their marriage.

What would you do if you found out your friend was cheating on his wife? {eoa}

BJ Foster is the Director of Content Creation for All Pro Dad and a married father of two.

This article originally appeared at allprodad.com.


Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


What Is ‘The One Thing’ God Wants From You?

What Is ‘The One Thing’ God Wants From You?

In 1971, I was invited to spend one month in Singapore at a new institute that had been started by John Haggai. It was still in the formative stages then—a place where Asian church leaders would be trained and challenged to witness for Christ. Today, more than 40...

37 Prayers for the Suffering Persecuted Church

37 Prayers for the Suffering Persecuted Church

It was a Pentecost bloodbath and most Christians never heard about it. More than 50 Christians were killed in one of the deadliest terror attacks on Nigerians this year. Scores of gunmen rushed in to kill Christians in the midst of worship. All told, over 360 million...

The Man Who Spent 23 Minutes in Hell: The People I Saw in Hell

The Man Who Spent 23 Minutes in Hell: The People I Saw in Hell

In 1998, God gave me a life-changing vision of hell. I receive many questions about my experience from people all over the world, but one question I'm often asked is, "Who did you see in hell?" There are others who say they've had an experience like mine, and they...

The United States: Birthed in Prophetic Symbolism

The United States: Birthed in Prophetic Symbolism

One of the most amazing facts about the Founding Fathers of our nation is this: The one referred to as the "voice" of the revolution (John Adams) and the one referred to as the "pen" of the revolution (Thomas Jefferson) both died on the same day—July 4, 1826—exactly...


Why Did God Give ‘This’ to Me?

It’s a question I frequently hear. It’s one I’ve asked. And maybe it’s one you’ve asked, too. The question is, “God, why did You give this to me?” This can be any number of issues, from emotional or...
No Evil Can Stop What God Has Planned

No Evil Can Stop What God Has Planned

I sense it. And I perceive a growing number of people in massive proportions sense the increasing momentum of power and might worldwide. Something is on the horizon—something more eerie and ominous than what the people of the world have ever before experienced. Even...

Curt Landry: 6 Ways to Open Your Heart and Mind to God’s Voice

Curt Landry: 6 Ways to Open Your Heart and Mind to God’s Voice

We are told that we must listen to God’s voice when we need to make important decisions. What does the Bible say about hearing God’s voice? How do we apply this to our everyday lives? 7 Bible Verses About Hearing God’s Voice “So then faith comes by hearing, and...

Pin It on Pinterest