Take Your Marriage From Good to Great

Authors and psychologists Greg Smalley and Shawn Stoever draw on years of counseling experience and discuss traits of marriages that go beyond “good” and become “great” in their new book, The Wholehearted Marriage: Fully Engaging Your Most Important Relationship. They coined the term “wholehearted” to describe a marriage in which “both spouses have two fully open and engaged hearts.”

Busy schedules cause many modern spouses to become increasingly disconnected from each other, Smalley believes, which drains the passion that should be present in marriage and keeps the couple from an enriching relationship.

“We are moving at an ever-increasing speed toward who knows what and at a cost of who knows what,” Smalley said. “At warp speed, we miss out on chances to wholeheartedly engage our spouse, open our hearts for intimate sharing and have fun without interruptions. We just don’t have enough time for each other.”

Another obstacle to passion is when hearts are guarded, possibly for fear of rejection or pain. But feelings that block intimacy often lead to spouses feeling empty, disconnected and merely “coexisting.”

Smalley said that “wholehearted” couples “rejoice and celebrate each other,” sharing moments of joy, laughter and adventure as well as grief and sorrow.

“Simply put, hearts are fully engaged and connected,” he said. “With two hearts fully open and engaged, spouses are free to love without reservations. They are interested in fully pursuing each other, which communicates desire and makes the other feel wanted.”

“Our goal is to help you understand the heart, value it, take care of it and use it to bless your spouse,” the authors write.

Click here to purchase The Wholehearted Marriage.