Ex-Lesbian Reveals the No. 1 Fear of Someone Who Wants to Leave Homosexuality

by | Sep 19, 2018 | Church & Ministry

Loneliness is a very loud emotion silently displayed. It binds the heart of an individual who longs for companionship and intimacy but finds only an unwanted void. Loneliness can infiltrate our decision-making and halt progress. Loneliness often joins forces with depression. This bondage that results takes residence in a hurting and empty heart.

A person in a same-sex relationship who desires freedom in Christ may suffer from feelings of loneliness and the worry of being detached. They have shared their life with someone. They shared their laughter, their thoughts and their journeys. Now the conviction to walk away from this would-be life partner is imminent. Immediately, the fear of not knowing who they will commune with fills them with anxiety.

Some started a homosexual lifestyle very early in life. They never experienced the traditional family. Children were not an option without aided assistance, which can carry a lot of other emotional and financial struggles. After many years, the relationship can dissolve without children or grandchildren. Suddenly, they find themselves alone, searching for something more to fill a void. In this moment, the emptiness becomes magnified, and the loneliness overwhelms them. Hasty decisions can be made to dive into unproductive relationships just to avoid that lonely feeling. The same is true in heterosexual relationships as well. This quest for an intimate, lasting connection can be a long and heartbreaking journey. Stepping out of a same-sex relationship will be difficult. The fears that come along with standing alone have the potential to discourage anyone.

The No. 1 thing we hear from someone wanting to leave the life of homosexuality is that they are afraid of being alone. They are leaving one community to enter the community of the family of God, which is often unfamiliar to them. Sometimes, in the process of stepping out of the past, the inward change is not always immediately reflected in their external appearance. They may not outwardly feel as though they fit in a church atmosphere. This could bring feelings of withdrawal and insecurity. The church can be a strong instrument to help overcome these feelings by embracing them just like anyone else. It is our responsibility to build a bridge with people, not a wedge. The more we diligently search for opportunities to love them, the stronger the bridge we build. We are all a work in progress and must look beyond how they may look or act or even dress. Embrace them and show them the love of Christ. God is faithful and fully capable of changing any area in their life that needs to be corrected. Let God do His job to change them. We need only to show them love.

If you are desiring to step out of the boat into the arms of Christ, remember to focus on the reason you are walking away. The heart to obey God more than yourself or others must dominate your mindset. Have full assurance in who God is and make pleasing Him the priority. There is a much greater purpose and strength to be discovered if you keep the course no matter what you feel. The walk away from sin is not always easy. Walking away from the homosexual lifestyle is presently very unpopular. There is a greater abundant life and eternal value in store for anyone who makes the bold and brave step out of this darkness. Our journey is not to define who we want to be, but to discover who we were created to be.

We never stand alone when we stand for Christ. God is faithful to His word to never leave us or forsake us (Heb. 13:5). When we make a willing effort to get closer to Him, He immediately comes closer to us (James 4:8). We may lose some friends, and certainly, we should prepare for opposition. It can be a road that seems very lonely. Don’t get in a ditch. You can surround yourself with those who love God and share in biblical truths. There are a host of volunteer opportunities that are begging for assistance. This could be a great time to take on new hobbies or visit new places. No matter what you fill your time with to combat the strong urge to wallow in the loneliness, it is so crucial to continue to fill each moment with God. Maintain a lifestyle that honors God. He will never leave your side.

Loneliness is not something anyone wants to embrace. The walk with Christ sometimes brings us to hard places that may include those occasional lonely moments. That’s real talk! Yet there is a word from the Savior that says, “I can be touched with whatever you feel.” In these moments, He calls for you to trust Him more. The loneliness should drive you more to the throne of grace to find a quiet place and just talk to God. When there is no physical intimate connection, there is always a spiritual one. He wants to fill that gap and infiltrate those areas that were once blocked from Him because of our sin and distractions. He wants to fill the hurting heart. He promises that as you delight yourself in Him, He will give you what your heart longs for. Don’t be afraid to let go of the past. Good news! Your future holds so much more for you in Christ! {eoa}

Janet Boynes founded Janet Boynes Ministries in Maple Grove, Minnesota, in 2006. She has authored two books: Called Out—A Former Lesbian’s Discovery of Freedom and Arise—The Journey from Fear to Faith. She challenges individuals and the church to reach out with a message of hope and restoration to the homosexual community. Her articles have been featured on the front cover of Charisma magazine, Called magazine, Power for Living, Bound magazine and many more. Her life is proof that the love of God has the power to heal and restore the brokenness in our lives. It’s been 19 years since she was called out of the lesbian lifestyle. Janet travels the U.S and overseas and shares her story of redemption. Her desire is to bring hope through the power of Jesus Christ.

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