Why Adultery Will Always Be a Foolish Choice

by | Aug 26, 2015 | Blogs, Fire in My Bones

The infamous Ashley Madison website promotes its dating business by announcing: “Life is short. Have an affair.” Now, it looks like the company will have a short life as well. Ashley Madison will likely go out of business after anonymous hackers last month published the names of 37 million accounts on the site for extramarital affairs.

Ashley Madison caters to people who want to secretly cheat on their spouses. Clients pay a fee using their credit cards, set up discreet profiles and chat with potential hookups—all in a supposedly “secure” environment. A special guarantee promises users they can get their $250 back if they don’t have an affair within three months. About 90-95 percent of the website’s users are male, and women are allowed to post their profiles for free.

So much for cyber security. You may have thought adultery would be easier in this era of Snapchat and password protection. Think again. Millions of people have literally been caught with their pants down in this latest scandal.

When the hackers released their information on the Internet last month, the news sent shockwaves across the world as users realized they’d been busted. The list of red-faced clients include employees at the White House and the U.S. congress, law enforcement and military officials, a Justice Department attorney and Christian activist and reality TV star Josh Duggar, who appeared in TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting.

Duggar has now resigned in disgrace from his job at the Family Research Council. After the Ashley Madison scandal broke, he released a statement on Aug. 20 admitting he had been unfaithful to his wife. Research into the hacker’s information showed that Duggar, who is 27, paid $986.76 for two Ashley Madison subscriptions. He listed himself on the site as “attached male seeking female.”

I don’t know anyone who paid money to Ashley Madison, but I do have friends who have experienced the pain and shame of an extramarital affair. Adultery has been happening since the book of Genesis, and it never ends well. Ever since the patriarch Judah was outed for his secret affair with Tamar, or when a prophet exposed David’s affair with Bathsheba, men and women have tried unsuccessfully to hide their marital unfaithfulness.

If you have been involved in an extramarital affair, or you know someone who has, here are five painful but necessary steps you must take immediately:

1. Get brutally honest. You can hide your sin for a while, but if you don’t confess it to God and your spouse, you will be miserable—and the guilt will only intensify. Numbers 32:23 says: “Be sure your sin will find you out.” Come clean. Your spouse’s reaction may be one of anger, disgust or heart-crushing disappointment, but you can’t heal your broken soul without a full confession.

2. Break off all ties to the past. Most affairs begin as emotional connections that later lead to sex. That’s why it’s not easy for some people to end affairs cold turkey. You must be ruthless in severing all communication with the other person. No calls, no letters, no texts, no involvement whatsoever. The adulterous man described in Proverbs 7 falls into sin because he naively wanders near the house of the adulteress. It says of his foolish error: “He does not know that it will cost him his life” (Prov. 7:23).

3. Rebuild your marriage. If your spouse is willing to forgive you and start over, you must work as hard on repairing your marriage as you would if you were rebuilding your house after an earthquake. You may come to the realization that your marriage was not built on a strong foundation to begin with. After going through a season of forgiveness and re-establishing trust, renew your marriage vows with a minister and supportive friends. 

4. Recruit a support team. You can’t rebuild your marriage alone. You will need a counselor, a loving pastor and Christian friends who are willing to speak the truth to you. Read good books on marriage, attend a marriage retreat and reach out for help. You may feel like hiding from others in shame, but you must resist the temptation to stay isolated.

5. Seek a personal revival. Ultimately, people wander from their spouses only after they have wandered from God. If your heart is aflame with the Holy Ghost, you will not let your eyes or your feet drift into sin. The only way you can truly repair your marriage is by surrendering your entire life to Jesus and asking Him to ignite your heart with love for Him. Begin having a daily quiet time with God, read His Word, pray with your spouse and invite him or her to join you on this journey of spiritual revival.

J. Lee Grady is the former editor of Charisma. You can follow him on Twitter @leegrady. He is the author of several books including 10 Lies Men Believe. You can learn more about his ministry, The Mordecai Project, at themordecaiproject.org.

CHARISMA NEWSLETTERS

Stay up-to-date with current issues, Christian teachings, entertainment news, videos & more.

The latest breaking Christian news you need to know about as soon as it happens.

Prophetic messages from respected leaders & news of how God is moving throughout the world. 


MORE FROM CHARISMA

Is He a God of Wrath or a God of Love?

Is He a God of Wrath or a God of Love?

Do you think the God of the Old Testament is a God of wrath, and the God of the New Testament is a God of love? The truth is that God is the same throughout the entire Bible. His wrath and His love are revealed in both the Old and the New Testaments. So why, then, did...

How You Can Have a Perfect Heart

How You Can Have a Perfect Heart

Your heart is the most important part of you. It’s not only a physical organ that keeps your blood pumping, but when the Bible refers to the heart, it’s talking about who you really are. Each person has an inner and an outer life. There’s the person we show to...

How the FBI Raid on Mar-a-Lago Is Spiritual Warfare

How the FBI Raid on Mar-a-Lago Is Spiritual Warfare

It's been a few days since the FBI raided President Donald Trump's home in Mar-a-Lago, and the Biden Administration has yet to explain to the American people why they did what's never been done in American history—the government raiding the home of a former president....

How the Holy Spirit Can Restore Your True Sanity

How the Holy Spirit Can Restore Your True Sanity

Most of my life I tried to avoid one thing—being crazy or insane. When I was growing up my mother had emotional issues and saw a psychiatrist regularly. She was on medication which only seemed to make her mood swings worse. She had high highs, and low lows. When I...

Israel Prophecy: The Enemy is Stirring an Unimaginable Conflict

Israel Prophecy: The Enemy is Stirring an Unimaginable Conflict

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJFFqAgykmU A cease-fire between Israel and Palestinian militants took effect late Sunday in a bid to end nearly three days of violence that killed dozens of Palestinians and disrupted the lives of hundreds of thousands of Israelis,...

RECENT ARTICLES

Why Partial Obedience to God is Disobedience

My husband had a saying for our children growing up. “Partial obedience is disobedience.” He wanted them to understand that doing half the plan would not get them the full reward. Another reminder...
Kingdom Economics: Why is America Declining Spiritually So Quickly?

Kingdom Economics: Why is America Declining Spiritually So Quickly?

The Bureau of Labor Statistics released a surprisingly strong July Employment Report.  Total nonfarm employment was 528K (398K previously, 250K expected).  Private nonfarm employment was 471K (404K previously, 230K expected). The headline unemployment rate dropped to...

Can You Discern Spiritual Wind?

Can You Discern Spiritual Wind?

The wind is a funny thing. We do not know where it comes from nor where it goes. We cannot see it, but we can see and feel its effects. Wind can be gentle and refreshing, cold or hot, strong, and dangerous, and everything in between. When the wind blows, we must...

Messianic Rabbi: He That Has an Eye, Let Him Hear

Messianic Rabbi: He That Has an Eye, Let Him Hear

It is interesting that, as a Messianic rabbi the question I am asked most often by Christians is if I believe that they as Christians have to celebrate, or observe, the biblical Holy Days. They are usually asking about those days listed in Leviticus 23: Shabbat, Yom...

How the Holy Spirit Is Preparing America

How the Holy Spirit Is Preparing America

As the crackdown against Christianity in America grows, it is a cycle believers have seen before. While no one celebrates their religious freedom coming under attack, God has used this persecution to great effect throughout history. Over the centuries, there have been...

Dealing Effectively with the Dynamics of Change

Dealing Effectively with the Dynamics of Change

Change can be challenging. Some people look forward to change and embrace it. Some people dread change and try to avoid it. Since change is inevitable, so here are some of the dynamics surrounding change and the specific strategies to deal with change more...

God’s Holy Interruption Is Coming Soon

God’s Holy Interruption Is Coming Soon

This past weekend I preached at The Roads Church, a charismatic congregation located in the tiny town of Norris City, Illinois. Located amid cornfields, the population is only 1,325, but almost that many people visit the church on weekends. They come from all over...

Pin It on Pinterest

[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]
[class^="wpforms-"]