2. Purity demands that you see sexuality through God's eyes. He made women three-dimensional (body, soul and spirit). Notice the total body of women with ear lobes, hands and smile.

See their souls with the joy, fatigue and feistiness. Also, it is difficult to objectify a woman when you are praying for her spiritual growth.

3. Parties are good. Create those opportunities to enjoy the opposite sex in healthy social settings.

You need connection and intimacy, not erotic hormonal surges. Hugs, righteous flirting and intimate friendships can help lessen those lonely and horny feelings.

Dear Dr. Doug,

Can you please offer advice to men such as myself who have a spouse who is physically unable to enjoy sex anymore due to illness? I miss the closeness we shared during our intimate times. Now I have to settle for occasional masturbation from my wife. I sometimes feel cheated, like I am only half a man. I long for so much more.

Sleepless and Crying in Seattle

Dear Crying,

In giving advice I don't want to be uncaring or simplistic.

I know that when a man hits his thumb with a hammer, even if his whole body is feeling good, it becomes the focus. A poor sex life is truly a sore thumb.

But, sex is more than intercourse and orgasm. There are times when things like traumas, disease, pregnancy or menopause prevent comfortable intercourse.

Sex should still permeate the relationship. Keep creative in being lovers with kisses and caresses that lead nowhere, or are fulfilled in varying ways (manual pleasuring may be one of them).

Let me encourage both of you not to give up but seek medical advice and counseling. Sometimes a sex life stops because one or both mates think it should.

There are often, not ideal, but creative solutions which God would want both of you to persistently pursue. He wants us to be lovers--not housemates. NM

Doug Rosenau is a licensed psycholgist and certified sex therapist in Atlanta, and is the author of A Celebration of Sex. For further information, visit his Web site, www.sexualwholeness.com. "

You need connection and intimacy, not erotic hormonal surges. "