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Sexual Purity
by Leigh DeVore
When God does bring two people into a dating relationship, they face a new dilemma—physical affection. Even among Christians there is a muddying of the waters when it comes to sexual purity. Simply put, premarital sex is never OK with God
However, there are numerous “options” between the two extremes of no public displays of affection and sex. Yes, it would have been easier had God included in the Bible a specific list of what unmarried couples can do physically without being sexually impure. Because He didn’t, a couple should have a candid discussion about this topic and prayerfully devise a plan of action—or as the case may be, inaction.
Lori Smith, author of The Single Truth, says: “There are countless people in the Christian community who will give you a set of standards, but you have to decide what your own should be. You’re the only one who knows what God requires of you in this area, the only one responsible for setting your own limits.”
Both people in the relationship should set these guidelines, says Mindy Meier, writing in Sex and Dating. She reasons that if only one person sets the boundaries, he or she will have sole responsibility to uphold the standard, to monitor their actions.
Meier adds: “It’s important that both people set their own boundaries and police themselves. Managing their own sex drives also provides the opportunity to develop character traits such as self-control and integrity that will be beneficial during marriage.”
Jason Illian, author of Undressed: The Naked Truth About Love, Sex, and Dating, says the discussion of each person’s standard of purity should take place early in the relationship: “If you don’t establish boundaries in the beginning, don’t be surprised if there are no boundaries at all.”
It is also imperative that couples understand their need for God’s strength in this area. Dee Bright, in The Divine Romance, writes: “Purity is one area where we should not set ‘realistic expectations’ for ourselves; we need to expect from ourselves what God expects, and we cannot accomplish those expectations without his supernatural power. We cannot be determined enough, tough enough, or committed enough to do it on our own.”
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